CAPE GIRARDEAU, Missouri (Isabelle Zehnder reporting) -- On Wednesday, friends and family of missing Missouri mother of triplets, Jacque Sue Waller, spoke out saying Jacque’s plans to leave her volatile marriage were on-again, off-again, and for good reason.
After months of trying to leave her husband last March Jacque finally walked away from her 15-year marriage to James “Clay” Waller. But, her friends and family say, it was an uphill battle.
Jacque said all she wanted was out - out of the marriage and away from the fear and dread of living another day with a man who she believed was capable of murder.
Two of Jacque’s good friends, Kristin and Elizabeth, said that for over a year before she went missing Jacque told them that Clay repeatedly threatened to kill her and her three kids.
Clay’s lawyer, Scott Reynolds, said those were just threats, it doesn’t mean he had anything to do with Jacque’s disappearance. His client, Clay, claims his innocence and says police and his community are on a witch hunt. Read: Ex hires lawyer with troubles of his own.
Jacque's friends and family disagree and believe Clay had everything to do with Jacque's disappearance.
Last year they say Clay took the threats to a whole new level. According to Jacque’s sister, Cheryl Brenneke, Clay dragged Jacque outside, put a gun in her mouth, and told her she was going to commit suicide.
“I remember Jacque telling me Clay would ask her:
'You didn’t tell anyone about this, did you?’
And Jacque would respond:
‘Of course not, Clay’.
"So honestly," Cheryl said, "I don’t think Clay thought this was coming. He didn’t count on this and I don't think he beleived she told anyone.”
Elizabeth and Kristin said a similar incident occurred in December 2010, and that this time Clay slammed Jacque against a wall, dragged her outside the house, pointed a gun to her head, handed the gun to her, and then told her to shoot herself. She managed to get away from him and eventually talk him into disassembling the gun. Read: Jacque Wallers friends, co-workers say threats turned to domestic violence.
For three more months Jacque put up with repeated threats of violence against her and the children. Following the Dec. 2010 incident, Kristin said Jacque had a new sense of urgency about wanting to leave Clay. “She went from ‘I want to leave Clay’ to ‘I have to leave Clay’ for the sake of her life and the kids’ lives,” Kristin said. “After the incident in December he made a believer out of her with that gun.” By the end of March 2011, Jacque had moved out for good.
Stil, from the time she moved to her sister and brother-in-law's home until she went missing June 1, Jacque told her friends and family that Clay continued to verbally threaten her life and the lives of the kids.
[There is help for women of domestic violence - for information scroll to the end of this article.]
Why did it take her so long to leave?
Many people don't understand why women who are in an abusive relationship don't simply walk away, especially when their lives or the lives of their children are threatened. It's not that they don't want to - it's that they are scared to leave.
Sometimes, they know they just can't leave and that doing so, or threatening to do so, can cost them their lives. Jacque's case is no different. What most women in abusive relationships don't know is that there is help available [more below under "Lack of Info."]
Her friends remember Jacque telling them that Clay warned her saying that as soon as she felt safe “that’s when I’m gonna get you.”
Cheryl said during a phone conversation Wednesday, “Whenever I’d tell her to just leave and to call police Jacque would tell me ‘you just don’t know what he’s capable of and I do. I just don’t want to be dead.
“Jacque told me that in his mind Clay would justify anything he did to her, and that he told her he may have to kill her because she knew too much about his business dealings," Cheryl said.
In January 2011, according to her friends and family Jacque started talking about moving herself and the children to Farmington with Cheryl and her husband Bob.
“Jacque had made numerous attempts to leave Clay during the months of January through March,” Kristin said. “She would pack up the kids and take enough clothes and things she needed for the weekend with the hope of going back to the house to get the remainder of their things.”
Kristin and Elizabeth said that for over a year before Jacque went missing, she and Clay separated numerous times but would get back together until she finally left for good in March 2011.
“It was hard for me to understand why she’d return to him after he’d made all those threats. It’s also hard for me to explain it but I’ll try,” Kristin said.
“She’d go to her sisters and then come back to Clay," she said. "I’d wonder why, when she was somewhere safe, she’d return to him after all the threats he’d make against her life and the lives of her kids. Those kids were everything to her."
Kristin said, “When she was threatening to leave he would threaten to kill her or the kids. When she came home he’d ask, ‘What’s for dinner?’ as though nothing ever happened. Jacque told Kristin she felt she could make his threats stop by returning home.
“Jacque explained to me that she felt it was better for her to be there with Clay because she could get a better sense of what Clay was thinking or planning.
“Jacque said when things got out of hand she would be able to talk Clay down and calm him down. She felt that she knew what to do and that she had more control when she was there with Clay then when she was away and didn’t know what was on his mind.
“She said she couldn’t read him as well when she was gone. Having to share the children with him, it was more frightening to turn the kids over to him when she wasn’t aware of what his state of mind was at the time. I think it was her way of trying to protect her children,” Kristin said.
Jacque said she felt Clay wasn’t living in reality and wasn’t accepting the truth of her wanting to leave him. Jacque told Kristin that after he would threaten her and/or the kids, he would wake up the next morning, give her gifts, and act like everything was fine and that they’d be together forever.
“I found it interesting that Clay said recently that they weren’t ‘estranged’,” Kristin said, “when she’d been living in Farmington since mid-March and he’d rented another house before then.”
It took Jacque until March to realize the threats were not going to stop and she could not stop perpetuating the cycle, Kristin said.
Pieces of the puzzle
"Before she vanished Kristin and I realized that Jacque was sharing information with each of us," Elizabeth said, "and that sometimes she'd tell Kristin certain parts, and she'd tell me other parts of the same event. We've realized that even more since she went missing."
Missing West Valley City, Utah mother of two little boys, Susan Cox Powell, whose friends and family compared notes after she vanished, said they discovered the same thing.
Susan would tell one person one piece of the story, and tell someone else another piece of the story. When they put it all together, they realized how bad the situation really was for Susan.
It appears the same thing is playing out in Jacque's case.
Click here to read more about Susan's case. Her friends say they see similarities between the two women's cases.
Lack of information
“Sadly, there’s not enough help for women in Jacque’s situation," Kristin said.
Before threats turned to violence, Kristin tried to find information on how to deal with the death threats. “When I would type ‘domestic violence’ the results would be about husbands who were physically abusing their wives. It was very difficult to find information about husbands who were threatening, but not hitting their wives.”
What's sad is that one woman, Susan Murphy-Milano, has worked diligently to get this information out to women in Jacque's situation. Susan, a Violent Relationship Strategist and Author, was a victim of domestic abuse and understands fully what people like Jacque are going through.
Susan wrote the book "Time's Up" that explains what women who are in an abusive relationship should do before they plan to leave. Susan created the "Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit" that she says all women in abusive relationships should provide to loved ones for safe keeping before they ever mention leaving the relationship.
What happened to Jacque is not new, it's a scenario that's played out over and over again. Yet women like Jacque and her friends were not aware that this information was readily available online.
Therefore, if you know a woman who is in an abusive relationship, it is suggested you share the www.susanmurphymilano.com website with her so she can learn the steps she needs to take to protect herself.
False sense of security
Cheryl said during a phone call Wednesday that two days before Jacque went missing Clay’s entire persona changed. “After a year-and-a-half of threats at the mention of ‘separation’ or ‘divorce’ suddenly he acted like he was accepting the divorce. He even told Jacque they could part as friends,” Cheryl said.
On the day she went missing the couple met with lawyers. “He [Clay] was mad because he didn’t walk away with a chunk of money like he’d hoped. He raised hell in the lawyer’s office because he wanted the cash. Jacque had already given him $14,000 and he was furious when he realized that money would be considered in the divorce settlement,” Cheryl said.
“Even after I warned her not to trust him after all the threats and violence,” Cheryl said, “She told me she thought maybe he’d turned a corner.”
Cheryl said she thinks he figured no one knew about the abuse, no one would come to Jacque’s defense, and that he’d walk away with the life insurance and her 401K.
And remember, Jacque repeatedly told her friends that Clay warned her saying that as soon as she felt safe “that’s when I’m gonna get you.”
The day she vanished
Jacque vanished on the day she and Clay met with their lawyers to sign divorce papers.
Jacque’s friends and family say that after meeting with the lawyers Jacque wanted to head back to Farmington where she was living with her sister, and where she had rented a new house for her and the kids. Before leaving she needed to pick up her son, Maddox. Clay told her Maddox was at his house while her son was actually with a “babysitter.”
Jacque drove to Clay’s home in Jackson and was never seen or heard from again. Blood evidence was found in Clay’s home, her father Stan Rawson said. Police have named Clay the only person of interest in her disappearance and say they believe her disappearance was staged to make it look like an abduction.
Jacque’s family and friends believe that the very thing Clay repeatedly said would happen came true – that leaving him would be a death sentence for her.
Clay says police and his community are on a witch hunt, and claims his innocence.
Contact police:
Police ask if you see Jacque or have any information to call Jackson Police (573) 243-3151.
The police are interested in a Red 2009 GMC Sierra pickup truck with 4 doors during this same time frame.
The truck may have been pulling an aluminum V-bottom boat with an 8-horse Johnson motor on the black trailer.
Jacque’s car, a blue 2006 Honda Pilot, MO Plates HA5-D5J was found in I-55 near the 105-mile marker (near Jackson/Fruitland) abandoned and with a flat tire.
Would you like to donate to the triplets or the reward fund?
Two funds have been set up with US Bank:
The “Jacque Waller Family Fund” for care of the triplets; and
The “Justice for Jacque Fund” which offers a reward for the information leading to Jacque
Find a US Bank location here: www.usbank.com.
Help for women of domestic violence
There is help for women in crisis who are victims of domestic abuse.
In the Cape Girardeau / SE Missouri area - Safe House for Women - Local Hotline Number 1-800-341-1830.
Outside the SE Missouri area - National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1-800-799-SAFE (7233.)
Website: Valuable information on steps women can take to protect themselves: www.susanmurphymilano.com.
"Time's Up" explains what women who are in an abusive relationship should do before they plan to leave.
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