Study on Mothers Who Cheat

On Mother's Day - a sobering look at a study on cheating mothers,
and a discussion of why mothers cheat.    Photo:  Chuck Schmidt
 

It’s not just men who cheat. Women cheat, too. And many of the women who cheat are mothers.

In a recent study on sex and motherhood, 34% of the mothers reported having an extramarital affair after the birth of their children.

Mother’s Day is a good time to take a look at a few statistics on mothers who cheat, and some of the underlying reasons why they do.

Sex and the American Mom

In the Sex and the American Mom Survey, jointly conducted by Cookie magazine and AOL , over 53 of the married moms entertained the idea of having an affair.

At least 1 out of 3 of these mothers acted on their desire to cheat and actually had extramarital affairs.

NOTE: Over 30,000 mothers between the ages of 21 and 50 participated anonymously in the online Sex and the American Mom Survey, which lasted 6 months.

More Statistics on Mothers Who Cheat

Another study revealed similar statistics on cheating mothers.

The Lust, Love & Loyalty Survey conducted jointly by MSNBC.com and iVillage found that 37% of women cheated while there was a child in the home.

Of these “cheating moms", 15% had an affair when there were children aged 2 to 5 living at home, and 7 % had an affair while there was a baby or toddler under 2 years old at home.
 

Why Mothers Cheat

In an interview last year on the Morning Show with Mike and Juliet, I was asked to comment on why women with children cheat, and why a significant number of these affairs begin after the birth of a child.

My personal infidelity research over the past 16 years reveals several reasons why many mothers initiate an extramarital affair after the birth of a child.

Prior to the birth of a child, the two individuals in the marriage are usually absorbed in each other. The primary focus of each partner is on the wants, needs, and desires of his or her mate.

When a child enters the picture, the dynamics of the relationship change.

The majority of the wife’s time is now devoted to the duties and responsibilities of motherhood.

As the new mother pays more attention to her baby and less to her mate, intimacy may decrease. In turn, the husband may begin to pay less attention to his wife.

She may start to feel neglected, or taken for granted with this new turn of events.

If the opportunity presents itself, she may enter into an affair for the emotional connection it offers, or simply as a way to reaffirm her desirability by becoming the center of a man’s attention once again. See 14 Kinds of Women Most Likely to Cheat on Their Mate

Cheating Mothers and Revenge Affairs

A significant amount of the infidelity among mothers may involve revenge cheating or retaliatory affairs.

Pregnancy, or the birth of a new baby is a common starting point for male infidelity. If the husband begins to view his wife as a mother rather than a lover – as many men do – he may be unable to relate to her on a sexual level.

Many men initiate affairs when their wives are expecting, or shortly after the birth of a new child.

Almost half the mothers in the Sex and the American Mom Survey -- 48 % - said they suspected that their husbands had, or were having an affair.

In situations like this, many women resort to revenge cheating as a way of evening the score. See  3 Types of Revenge Cheating or Retaliatory Affairs and Why Revenge Cheating and Retaliatory Affairs Don’t Work in Trying to Get Even with a Cheating Mate.

More Moms Cheat the Day after Mother’s Day

According to AshleyMadison.com, the infamous dating site for married people looking to cheat on their mates, the Monday after Mother’s Day is their second busiest day of the year for new female memberships.

In an exclusive interview with MomLogic, Noel Biderman, Ashley Madison’s president, speculates as to the reason why.

Says Biderman, “On Mother’s Day women in general expect to be celebrated by their partners. However, for many already suffering from a lack of appreciation, this day represents a continuation of neglect and disappointment.”

Biderman continues, “Women have affairs for different reasons than men. (See Top 10 Reasons why Men and Women Cheat.) Whereas men are usually looking for sex, women tend to seek attention that they're not getting at home. This lack of attention often makes them feel undesirable -- and feeds their need for validation."

Typically on Mondays, new female memberships at AshleyMadison.com range between 2500 and 3000. Last year, the Monday after Mother’s Day, 24,000 new women signed up. Biderman anticipates that 30,000 women will join the Monday after Mother’s Day this year.

Nipping Infidelity in the Bud

Regardless of which infidelity statistics you refer to, ( and there is no one definitive source for infidelity statistics) it’s obvious that infidelity in on the rise.

More men and women are cheating with each passing year. Something needs to be done to help stem the tide. For some practical tips on how to keep infidelity at bay, request a copy of the free tip sheet, 28 Ways to Stay Faithful to Your Mate. Send an e-mail to InfidelityAdvice@gmail.com  with “Stay Faithful - Xm” in the subject line.

______________________________________________

*** © copyright 2010 Ruth Houston All Rights Reserved.

Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on high profile infidelity and popular infidelity issues in the news. She is the founder of www.InfidelityAdvice.com ,  the author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, and publishes the Infidelity News and Views blog. To interview infidelity expert Ruth Houston, or have her speak at your next event, call 718 592-6029 or e-mail InfidelityExpert@gmail.com 

For more information on female infidelity, staying faithful, or women who cheat, see

14 Kinds of Women Most Likely to Cheat on Their Mate

Top 10 Reasons Why Men and Women Cheat

Is She Cheating? Most Husbands And Boyfriends Find Out Too Late

Is She Cheating? – 21 Ways You Can Tell (free tip sheet)

How Men are Affected by Female Infidelity

Infidelity Traps - 12 Ways People Unintentionally Get Drawn into Cheating on Their Mates

28 Ways to Stay Faithful to Your Mate (free tip sheet)