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Five [snarky] reasons for rational people to support Roy Moore for governor
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Roy Moore: Alabama's next governor?
There are reasons why libertarians and other rational folks might wish to see Judge Roy Moore become Alabama's next governor:
National Media Exposure: This one should be fairly obvious. Should Moore become elected, we can be sure that Alabama will be highlighted on a daily basis on programs like The Tonight Show, The Daily Show and Bullshit!. We'll also be helping the national economy, as sites like The Onion and Wonkette will have to hire additional writers to keep up with us.
Rule of Law: We'll learn how serious Judge Moore is about the rule of law if and when Alabama starts executing homosexuals. In case you've forgotten, here's his legal opinion (emphasis added) on the topic:
To disfavor practicing homosexuals in custody matters is not invidious discrimination, nor is it legislating personal morality. On the contrary, disfavoring practicing homosexuals in custody matters promotes the general welfare of the people of our State in accordance with our law, which is the duty of its public servants… The State carries the power of the sword, that is, the power to prohibit conduct with physical penalties, such as confinement and even execution. It must use that power to prevent the subversion of children toward this lifestyle, to not encourage a criminal lifestyle… Homosexual behavior is a ground for divorce, an act of sexual misconduct punishable as a crime in Alabama, a crime against nature, an inherent evil, and an act so heinous that it defies one’s ability to describe it. That is enough under the law to allow a court to consider such activity harmful to a child. To declare that homosexuality is harmful is not to make new law but to reaffirm the old; to say that it is not harmful is to experiment with people’s lives, particularly the lives of children.
Legalized gambling: "And government's only role is to secure our rights for us," stated Moore in an interview. "And if it should fail to do so, then the Declaration says that 'it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it.'"
Obviously, this will end any debate we have over gambling in the state. We'll either enjoy a Vegas-style free-market approach, in accordance with "our rights", or we'll abolish the State of Alabama.
Religious diversity: With respect to religion, Alabama is one of the least diverse places I've been. The institution of the worship of idols made out of stone will go a long way to re-establish our primal pagan (and pre-Ten Commandments) values.
Government spending: Barack Obama and the state of California have given us great examples of how to run an economy. Spend. Spend... And then spend some more, especially if the money isn't already in the bank. Currently, only Jefferson County is keeping up with California and the rest of the country. In order to maintain our level of fiscal irresponsibility, we need a Governor who isn't afraid to see that we receive a daily fine from the feds.
With values like his, Moore could find himself in defiance of a court order because he imprisoned our entire gay population. Or the fines could be levied because he threw sex toy owners in prison camps (not enough room in our female prisons). Or it might be for drinking, dancing or violation of blue laws. It could be some of those defiant Jewish, Hindu or Islamic kids who will refuse to say "in Jesus name" at the end of their mandatory school prayer. Whatever the issue, we know we can count on Judge Roy to make it happen.
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