Judaism 101: The role of apology in atonement during the Days of Awe

September 23, 12:11 AMNY Jewish Culture ExaminerDavid Cooper

Previous Next

Comment Print Email RSS Subscribe

Subscribe

Get alerts when there is a new article from the NY Jewish Culture Examiner. Read Examiner.com's terms of use.

Email Address   Include other special offers from Examiner.com Terms of Use

The Days of Awe, the ten days that begin on Rosh Hashana and conclude on Yom Kippur, are a period of reflection and reconcilliation during which each Jew takes account of his or her misdeeds and tries to make amends by sincerely apologizing for specific wrongs and offering monetary compensation if necessary to repair the harm. The apology must be both sincere and specific. If a wronged party refuses three times to accept an apology that person then owes the person who originally offered the apology an apology.

Maimonides wrote that the smallest sins are the most dangerous because those are the ones we are most likely to overlook and forget to apologize for. Few of us cause harm on the scale of a Bernard Madoff, but many of us are guilty of the kind of small minded, thoughless, narcissistic acts the Larry David character commits numerous times on each episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. As a friend is fond of saying, "Being self-centered does not make one self-aware." All of us owe somebody an apology.

For orginizationally challenged Jews who find it difficult to remember to whom one has apologized and which apologies have been accepted the internet age has a service that may help. At SorryGram.com for ten dollars per apology one can compose an apology, provide recepient information and payment, and SorryGram will see that the apology is sent and record that it was received and whether or not it was accepted. However you chose to monitor your apologies I hope the process leads to personal self-improvement and interpersonal healing. Gmar Chatimah Tova, may you conclude with a good inscription.