Why women stay with men who cheat

August 9, 11:23 AMInfidelity ExaminerRuth Houston

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Many people find it hard to understand why a woman would choose to stay in a marriage or a relationship with a man who has cheated on her, or who has a history of extramarital affairs.

Yet there are millions of women, who for various reasons, have chosen to stay with a cheating mate.

Reasons Why Women Stay with Cheating Men

Listed below are a few of the reasons why women choose to stay with a cheating spouse or significant other:

• Convenience – It may be more convenient to stay with the cheater for the time being, until certain legal or financial measures have been put into place.

• Financial reasons – a woman may be financially dependent on her cheating mate.

• Not willing to give up lifestyle – leaving a wealthy or prominent man may mean that a woman has to give up a lavish lifestyle that includes a luxurious home, fancy car, expensive clothes,and jewelry, exotic vacations and more .

• Insufficient proof of infidelity –A woman may feel that she lacks sufficient proof that her spouse or significant other is actually having an affair.

• For the sake of the children – some women feel that children should be raised in a two-parent home at all costs.

• Fear of change - leaving a long-time mate is a life-altering decision. A woman may be afraid to make such a drastic change in her life.

• Low self esteem – a woman may have so little confidence in herself that she feels unable to make it on her own.

• Bad timing – the current economic situation, a serious illness, or any number of other problems may mean that leaving the cheater has to be put on temporary hold.

• Thinking the cheater will change – a woman may truly believe that a husband or boyfriend with a history of cheating will eventually change his cheating ways.

• To achieve career goals – remaining in the marriage or relationship with the cheater may be instrumental in the achievement of the woman’s career goals.

• Hoping counseling will help - if the couple, or the cheater himself is getting professional counseling, the woman may be hopeful that this will help.

• Fear of being alone - some women simply do not want to live without a man in their life and feel that even a cheating man is better than no man at all.

• Loyalty - a woman may feel that loyalty to her husband or mate overrules infidelity on his part. She may be determined to hang in there with the cheater to the bitter end.

• Religious beliefs – some wives feel that divorcing a cheating husband goes against their religious beliefs.

• Desire to keep the family intact - there are wives who believe it’s important to keep up the illusion of an intact family, despite the fact that their husbands are having an affair.

• Belief that it won’t happen again - a woman may feel that her husband’s or boyfriend’s infidelity is an isolated incident that will never happen again.

• Love – Infidelity doesn’t instantly cancel out love. A woman may still be very much in love with her husband or boyfriend, despite the fact that he has cheated on her.

These are not the only reasons women remain in relationships with cheaters. There are other reasons, as well. These reasons may make sense only to the woman involved.

A Woman Should Not Have to Explain

A woman should never have to explain or defend her decision to anyone (other than her children) as to why she has chosen to leave or to stay with a man who cheats.

Choosing to leave, or to stay with a cheating spouse or significant other is a very personal matter. Some women will make a spur the moment decision the minute they find out about the affair. And many times they may regret their choice. For other women, whether to stay or leave is a carefully thought-out decision in which many factors have been taken into consideration.

Well-wishing friends and family members are quick to tell w woman what they think she should do if her husband or boyfriend is having an affair. But it’s up to the woman to decide for herself what’s in her (and her children’s) best interests at the time. She is the one who has to live with the decision that’s made.

For some women, staying is the right decision. For other women, the right decision may be to leave. Each woman must make her own choice.

Help in Deciding If You Should Stay With a Cheating Mate

Should you stay with a cheating husband or boyfriend? Or should you leave him? Under what circumstances should you give a cheater a second chance? The free Go or Stay tip sheet covers some of the important factors to consider when making your choice. This tip sheet addresses two of the biggest obstacles women face in staying with a cheating mate or giving him a second chance. To request a free copy, e-mail InfidelityAdvice@gmail.com with “Go or Stay - Xm” in the subject line, pr refer to the list of free infidelity tip sheets in the box on the right.

*** © copyright 2009 Ruth Houston

Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on infidelity issues in the news. She is the author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, the founder of InfidelityAdvice.com and blogs at Infidelity News and Views.


For more info: 

Go or Stay? How to Decide Whether to Give a Cheater a Second Chance (free tip sheet)

How Wives with Cheating Husbands Can Gain the Upper Hand (free tip sheet)

What You Need to Know About your Husband’s Mistress and Why

Be Careful Who You Tell That He’s Cheating on You

5 Things You SHOULDN’T Do If He’s Cheating on You (free tip sheet)