Sometimes a call is better than a text

I came across a study released by the PEW Internet Project that found 66% of American mobile subscribers between the ages of 30-49 use text messaging. Last summer Nielson Mobile Research reported that a typical mobile user sent 357 text messages per month, but made or received only 204 phone calls. I'm sure in 2009 that number has at least doubled.

What I don’t get about texting is why people want to spend 3 minutes hunting, pecking and struggling to send a text when they could make a 30 second call and be done with it?

I believe the growing preference for texting has a lot to do with its impersonal nature. It’s much easier to launch a new relationship by exchanging texts than it is to talk, but let's not forget that a large part of communication is non-verbal.  When texting, the other party cannot receive those fine nuances of communication such as tone of voice, stifled giggles, or body language that demonstrates anxiety, happiness or growing irritation.

Texting it seems is here to stay.  But if you're wondering how to best incorporate texting into your life in a manner that will help create better communication and relationships, here are a few guidelines:

#1 Do Share Updates or Ask for Simple Instructions. On your way but missed your BART train? Texting to update your date on your revised arrival time is a considerate thing to do. On your way to Rainbow Grocery and can’t remember what you are supposed to pick up for dinner at her place? Receiving a texted shopping list can be a life and relationship saver! Had a great first date? Texting the day after to say, "Wow, I had a really great time with you!" is a low key, no pressure way to express appreciation for someone’s time.

#2 Never Text While on a Date. You’d think everyone would know this already, but I guess common sense ain’t real common! Texting while in a face-to-face conversation is just as rude as blabbing away on a call. If you’re on a date and you want to see that person again, don’t sit there texting (or Twittering) the whole time, or part of the time, or even at all. That includes your best friend trying to sneakily find out how things are going, the Masters of Electronically Transmitted Whining (your kids), or an angry ex who saw you and your date in the restaurant parking lot. Manners and courtesy must reign supreme.

#3 Texts Should Never Replace Real Conversation. Texting should be limited to transmitting unimportant information or short and simple messages, not an in-depth conversation. More than four texts in a row… it’s time to pick up the phone. And if you notice that you are having most of your relationship via texting, you need to move things along to the face to face level or just end it. Like I said, the inherently impersonal nature of texting allows someone to "keep in touch" and keep fantasies of a relationship alive, but maintain emotional distance by never spending time with you.

#4 Does Anyone Care But You? Do not send text after text describing your every move, every conversation, or every thought. The fact that your coworker was late for the 10th time this month is of no importance to anyone but you. Get it? Unless what you are texting involves the recipient in some manner, and is very urgent (or at least a funny joke to break up our day), then don’t send a text.

#5 Do Not Send Compromising Photos. Are people these days crazy? What in the world is going on with this "sexting" stuff? Why would females send pictures of naked body parts (including their genitalia) over cell phones? Ladies, not only is such behavior classless, it’s ridiculously dangerous. And if the sender or receiver of a sexually oriented text is a minor, it’s also illegal. Women are likely to be humiliated to discover that they are the brunt of jokes, as guys will often share the sexy texts they get from random women with their buddies and have a good laugh. Think before you act.

#6 If You’ve Been Drinking, Back Away From the Keypad! People will say and do things with firewater in their systems that they would NEVER do if sober. What types of things have I heard you ask? Sexual invitations to people known to have no interest, fights from months ago renewed with vigor... Liquid courage does that to people! Though alcohol doesn’t put ideas into our heads, a little booze definitely relaxes the constraints we have in place on our mouths and evidently our fingers. Your texting privileges are revoked until you are 100% sober.

#7 Don’t Expect Instant Gratification. Do not get upset if you don’t get a reply back within seconds of sending a text. People over the age of 25 usually have full-time jobs, families, and things to do that involve their hands, including cooking, typing, and driving. They’ll return your communication with a text or a phone call when they can. One should also remember that technology is great, but not perfect. I’ve sent texts that didn’t arrive at their destination for 45 minutes to several hours!

#8 Always Be Aware of Your "Tone of Voice" and Communication Style. It’s difficult to discern the sender’s tone in text messages, just as it is in e-mail. What may be meant as humorous sarcasm, or a completely innocuous message to you may be easily misinterpreted by the recipient of your text. Such miscommunication can cause hurt feelings, unnecessary tension, and require an unbelievable amount of apologizing and explaining to fix. In some instances it will cost you the relationship. Watch the shorthand and acronyms as well. Not everyone is up on the textn lingo neway, and yr msg may leave sum1 scratching their head in confusion sayn L8tr4u vs ROFLMAO.

#9 Asking for Dates by Text is a "No-No!" Texting to set-up a date is bogus! Have the courage to speak up and risk rejection like a big boy or girl. One of the top qualities singles seek is a confident partner that goes after what he or she wants. Confident, secure people have an air about them that is very sexy… passive, hesitant, insecure people do not.

#10 Do Not Break It Off By Text. Neither do you use Twitter, Facebook, AIM, My Space, MSN messenger, email or fax. Use of any form of informal, emotionally disconnected electronic communication to dump someonet. Not only is it immature, it’s just plain rude. If you opt to treat other people in such a way, don’t be surprised when your text is put on blast and ends up on Twitter, Facebook, My Space and every message forum in the world. Be an adult whydontcha, and tell people via phone (at least) that you two are not a match and you’re moving on.

Remember that texting is a great way to stay connected to someone you are madly in love with, and a useful tool to touch base with casual or new dating partners. However, texting is not and never will be a replacement for a heart-felt telephone conversation full of sighs and laughter.
 

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