I have been a writer for many years, but I have been a reader probably since I was old enough to check periodicals out of the library. The more I read the more I learn. And sometimes the more I read, the more annoyed I get. I understand as a writer we are typically encouraged by our editors to write from an "authoritative point of view". The problem with this sometimes, is it can come off condescending and uninspiring at worst.
I have read numerous wonderful articles and books that did give me ideas on how to deal with my son’s autism. Those stories helped give me a road map, and ideas to try. None of them by themselves had the answer.I don't think they claimed to either. They just helped get me to the right combination, which has led us to a more positive and peaceful existence.
I also have read many articles which regurgitate the same ideas, that don’t seem to work for anyone. Not necessarily about autism. Don’t we all know we should park far away, and take the stairs whenever possible now? How is this news on how to lose weight? And I know if I just switch to a cheaper cell phone provider or drop my gym membership, down grade my cable or cut back on my expensive shoe habit I can save thousands every year. Except, I don’t have gym membership, expensive cable or a shoe habit-well anymore. So where is my money?
For parents with children on the autism spectrum, one of the biggest challenges is the fact your child is not like every other child on the spectrum. There is no one-size-fits-all approach. A gluten free diet may be the answer for a child who is intolerant to gluten, or isn’t processing the gluten out. But for a child who is, it may do nothing besides give the benefits of cutting back on processed foods.
So what do you do?
In my opinion, your best bet is to try the things which speak to your core. Sure you could try every idea that comes down the road, but you will likely be frustrated, broke or insane in a few years. And your child may not be any better. It seems more logical to stick to the ideas which sound very similar to your child, that somehow spark your being. Not only are these children so different in what makes them tick, and what ticks them off, they have varying abilities. One child may be completely non-verbal, but a wiz at a musical instrument. Another may not have any special abilities, yet noticed.
The one thing we can all do is really know our child. Follow their interests no matter how off-the-wall they seem. Immerse ourselves in their worlds to bond with them. This also gives you leverage. One of the reasons some therapists will make more progress with your child over others, is because they just 'get each other". They are a good fit. And some are just more capable than others to really give what the child needs. Reaching your child is the one thing that is most important when they spend a lot of time within themselves. It all starts there.
The other thing which is as important is to do our very best to take care of ourselves so we are in a peaceful place when the poo hits the fan.
I know I can get my son’s meltdowns instantly redirected when two things happen.
One-he is not that far-gone. When I have been with him most of the day and have been redirecting, engaging and giving whatever sensory help he may need or need to be relieved from.
And number two, I am not far-gone. I am in check; my brain is working at its capacity. When that happens I can think on my feet, I can sympathize, and I get him turned around.
This is not a perfect world, and we are not perfect people. It is unreasonable to expect yourself to be able to achieve this all the time, but the more you try, the more often you will.
Henry Ford said it best, “whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.”
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