OCT 2013. A friend submitted this to me, but he also wanted, nee demanded, the world should know the truth about what breast milk tastes like. Here is his story as told to me:
If you want to know what human breast milk tastes like, read on. How do I know how breast milk tastes? It was an emergency. I swear.
The baby was not breastfeeding that morning for whatever reasons and my wife's liquid lifelines were filling up.
What was I supposed to do? Watch her suffer? Am I even allowed to breastfeed?
And now here on a Saturday morning, I have the opportunity to find out; totally reluctantly. Sort of.
What does breast milk taste like?
Ok, so it wasn't just an emergency. Sue me, I was curious too. And now I had my excuse. What is the taste of breast milk? What is this magical elixir that has everything a baby needs to survive? Is it gross or completely natural to drink this stuff?
Most of us have heard ad nauseam the benefits of breast-feeding. Breast milk is packed with vitamins, minerals, fats and other healthy goodies.
They also say the taste of breast milk depends largely on what mom is eating. Spicy food? Spicy breast milk. Oranges and plums? Sweet and fruity. Tomato-based?
My wife's lactating lifelines were turgid and swollen, they needed to be milked. Right Away.
We forgot the breast pump and the baby is now sleeping. My wife is in pain. I can’t stand to see my wife in pain. I must do something, anything to save her.
"They really hurt," says my wife said about her ballooning mams.
'But what, what can I do?' Then it hit me.
“I’ll do it,” I said with the gravitas of a man who saved Private Ryan.
“You’ll do what?” my wife replied.
“I’ll drink your breast milk.” There was nervous laughter from my wife.
I can’t betray any hint of actually wanting to do it or she’ll never agree. I remain committed to this sacrifice for her sake, for her sake. “Seriously, you’re in pain, what else are you going to do?”
She tilted her head upward, eyes skyward in that thinking way and after a moment’s pause she said matter-of-factly, “ok.”
Tougher to drink breast milk from the source than you might think
You'd think I'd be ecstatic. Actually, I was. But before that, I was like, 'ok, now what?'
So I leaned in and went for it. I had never been breast fed as a child, but I did have some experience. Or so I thought.
At first I got nothing. What was I doing wrong? I tried a different way. Nope, this didn't do anything either. If this is so easy that a baby can do it, why couldn't I?
“You have to put your mouth around the whole thing, not just the nipple," my wife instructed. "Suck and pull. Suck and pull," came her directions like a lactating drill sergeant. “But not too hard. Stop, that’s too hard.”
This was a lot tougher than I thought. But I eased up, went with the flow and soon I felt a warm sensation in my mouth. Slightly sweet and a little nutty, like warm cinnamon toast. This is good. Real good.
No wonder my son looks so content.
I thought to myself as I imbibed, 'they better not let this secret out or babies all over the world will go hungry.'
I continued to relieve my wife of her pain and for me it’s gentle and warm. I’m thoroughly comforted in my wife’s lactating bosom. I’m also slightly aroused too. It’s the first time since giving birth five months ago that I am allowed to touch my wife's buddies.
They went from recreational to functional overnight and I was elated to be back in their satisfying embrace.
My wife too seems happy to have the breast milk pressure off. She does not confirm or deny the arousing part.
The Taste of Breast Milk
There is a certain rich quality to the milk, it’s quite filling and the combination of all these things, the warm milk, the warm body, the nutty-sweet almost cinnamon taste coupled with the effort of sucking, makes me ready for a nappy.
I disengage from my wife. I am thoroughly satisfied. My son and I are soon both asleep in my wife's arms.
P.S. Ontario now has a breast milk donor bank. For reals.
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