The United Nations Security Council on Tuesday voted to station a small contingent of peacekeeping troops on Capitol Hill.
Speaking to reporters after the vote in which Russia and China abstained, UN Secretary Ban Ki-Moon said that it was just a precautionary measure, given the vast amount of guns and ammunition available in the US. He said, "Americans are sometimes unpredictable when dealing with each other. We have noticed that in the U.S., when talk fails, shooting starts."
Colonel Ravinder Patel, who was leading the contingent of Indian and Norwegian troops said that he liked the American people. It was just the politicians that worried him.
Tea Party activists immediately said that the UN was working on direct orders from President Barack Obama and claimed to have seen black helicopters over the capitol.
When asked about this Colonel Patel confirmed that the helicopters were his, saying, "Well, I don't know about them being black. More of a deep indigo. Besides, how were we supposed to get here, the subway? Even though the government is shut down, it is still rush hour."
Sen. Ted Cruz immediately accused the peacekeepers of being undocumented aliens and called for them to be deported.
Colonel Patel, puzzled, said, "Who is Ted Cruz?"
In further briefings, when it came out that the Republicans had shut down the government because they did not want Americans to have health care, Patel shook his head, laughed and said, "You shut down the world's biggest government because you don't want people to have health insurance?? You Americans are a nutty bunch."
Speaker of the House John Boehner admitted that having UN troops patrolling Congress was embarrasing. But not nearly as embarassing as giving ordinary Americans access to health care insurance.