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Top 5 worst places to be in a zombie outbreak

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Cover art for comic written by Max Brooks, due out Oct 6th.

While doing a little research for a different article, I stumbled across this on Random House, Inc.'s website.

Max Brooks, the mastermind behind  The Zombie Survival Guide and it's "sequel", World War Z has transformed his Guide into a comicbook which will be released October 6th of this year. With an indefinite 2010 release date, World War Z is also being turned into a movie and is said to be "in development."

I don't know about you, but I personally am very excited about both of these announcements and have no doubt in my mind that both will be exquiste, especially if Max Brooks is helping with the movie even at all.

In light of this and in preparation of the upcoming premiere of George A. Romero's latest film, "Survival of the Dead" to be shown first during the Midnight Madness Screenings of Toronto's International Film Festival (TIFF), I decided it would be good to list off a couple places that you may not want to find yourself at when the inevitable becomes our reality.

No. 5: East, West, or South Towne Malls or any mall for that matter is a very bad place to be at when a zombie outbreak should occur, especially on a Friday or Saturday night. Think about how many people are at the mall on any given day and then think about the facts. You only have to be bitten once to turn into a flesh-eating corpse. If there are 200 or 300 people at the mall throughout the day, and one person stumbles in not feeling so well, not looking to "ripe" around the edges, someone out of this 300 mass is most likely going to try and help this person. The person in turn attacks his or her aid and so on and so forth until there is mass panic erupting throughout the mall and everyone is trying to go everywhich way, which causes traffic jams and people being pushed and shoved. This causes more people to be bitten and more panic and more attacks. Though it is survivable and if you keep your wits about you, you would be able to escape it, it's not a place I would advise visiting during this situation.

No. 4: Although it may seem like the best place to go, a church is one of the last places you want to find yourself in during the time of an outbreak. It's generally small structure and the fact that many other people will have the same idea as you will generate into a feeding ground for zombies. Pack too many people into a closed area with only a few decent ways out, add a horde of zombies blocking each of these exits, and you've got yourself a pickle. Climbing into the rafters and jumping out may seem like a good idea as any, but be careful of the jump. Land incorrectly and you're just as screwed as you were inside the church. Best to just stay clear at all costs.

No. 3: Any supermarket such as Copps, Woodman's, Super Target in Fitchburg, or the South Towne, two-story Super Wal-Mart with escalators and underground parking to boot are places to be heavily avoided as well. You need food for your pantry to help you wait out the infected for the next month or two? Too bad. You should have been doing that a long time ago, not waiting until the day of the occurance to decide maybe it would be a good idea after all to stock up. Going to any one of these supermarkets would be absolutely asinine and a sure way to get yourself killed or worst yet, being turned into one of the undead. Take a look at what happened to this Wal-Mart employee last year, and you'll understand why nothing more is needed to be said about this matter.

No. 2: UW school and its downtown home in a whole should be avoided at all costs. With 4200 courses offered and a total of 41,028 students attending, not to mention how many people are always walking the streets of downtown at all hours of the day, not including the homeless or those who work on State Street or any other part of the downtown area, it's a natural haven for walking corpses. Though there are a lot of places to hide up in, in fact, the downtown area, the University and all, is a very deadly place. To find yourself stuck here is to find yourself as good as dead. Whatever you do, if you think you see a zombie or someone acting a little funny, leave. Get out of the area as soon as possible and for the love god, don't stop to help anyone who may appear to be sick or injured. Otherwise find the nearest shop or dorm and board yourself in and claim it as your resting place, because there will be no getting out once the outbreak reaches the streets of downtown.

No 1: Finally, the very last place you never want to find yourself at during a zombie outbreak is also the most likely place for an outbreak to begin here in the city: UW's on-campus hospital, or any other hospital for that matter. This should be a common sense situation, but you would be surprised how many people actually feel the need to go to hospitals after an outbreak has begun, whether it is for actual treatment by a doctor or looking for pharmaceuticals to help "cure" the virus that caused this horrendous human anomaly in the first place. Ask anyone who has ever seen a zombie flick, ever played a game or read the zombie guide, and they will tell you, whatever you do, do not go anywhere near a hospital. If you're already there, find the nearest usuable weapon and fight your way out.

Hospitals are considered birthing grounds for zombies because what happens when you are injured or bitten by some raging lunatic? You go to the hospital to have it treated. By the time you make it to the hospital, you've already reanimated into a corpse and begin to wreak havoc on everyone around you, and they do the same after they all turn and so on until the whole hospital has been overrun and the doors are thrusted open for the undead to flood the streets of downtown and the rest of Madison. For your own safety and hope of not being added to the Darwin Awards list, it is of utter importance to remember not to go anywhere near a hospital in times of a crisis such as this.

To do so would be suicide.

For more info: Check out The Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z at the nearest library, or purchase both from Amazon.com by clicking the approriate titles.

Comments

  • David Stroud 5 years ago

    That is MY exact list!
    Brilliant I say sir. (If I do say so myself, lol)

    You did a good job reasoning WHY these places are so bad, especially the last one, and I really liked the reference to the Darwin Awards.

    Although you did cover the basics, I hoped you'd gone into more detail about why the churches aren't a good place.

  • Larry Poupard 4 years ago

    Great job on this one.

    Larry Poupard
    Detroit Zombie Examiner