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The '80-20 Rule' theory explains a lot of today's problems among dating singles

Many male celebrities who are popular with women (such as the pictured Ray J) are always going to have women who adore them and men who are jealous and envious of them
Many male celebrities who are popular with women (such as the pictured Ray J) are always going to have women who adore them and men who are jealous and envious of them
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Have you ever visited a popular nightclub in a major city, and you noticed that one guy may have three, four, or five women hanging around him while another three or four guys in that same club have no women paying them any attention at all? How could this happen?

Let's say a professional matchmaking organization got one thousand single heterosexual women together and transported them to an island where all of their living expenses would be covered, and they would never be in desperate need for anything crucial to their survival, such as food, beverages, clothing, and comfortable living quarters. All of these women have acknowledged that they want to find a long-term boyfriend to spend time with romantically and sexually.

Now, this same professional matchmaking organization has identified one thousand healthy single heterosexual men and transported them to this same island. All of these men have expressed an interest in finding an ideal woman to spend time with romantically and sexually.

Conventional wisdom says . . . . within a matter of days, weeks, or months, the men and women on that island will transition from 2,000 individual men and women into 1,000 happy, loving couples.

The mythical '80-20 Rule' Theory of Dating and Relationships says . . . . within a matter of days, weeks, or months, approximately 800 of the 1,000 women are going to be competing with each other for the attention and companionship of roughly 200 of the 1,000 men on that island.

Many would argue that the 'conventional wisdom' scenario would be more probable and valid while a good number of other men and women would lean toward acknowledging the validity of the controversial 80-20 Rule Theory.

For those who favor the 'conventional wisdom' scenario, let me ask you just a few questions:

  1. Why do men who seem to have a great wife or girlfriend cheat on her?
  2. Why do women who seem to have a great husband or boyfriend cheat on him?
  3. Why do so many men become harsh critics of other men who they perceive as more popular with women than themselves?
  4. Why is it that some men can have sex with multiple women without spending money on them or promising them indefinite monogamy, while other men have a hard time getting women to spend time with them in a romantic or sexual manner even when they are flattering, financially generous, and totally willing to engage in a monogamous relationship with a woman?
  5. Why do some men start out seeming like "polite nice guys," but months later or years later, many of these same men become hateful misogynists?

What effects would the '80-20 Rule' Theory cause that would result in us observing many of the problems we see in today’s dating scene among healthy, active singles?

Effect #1:

The 'Top 20%' of the men on that island would feel very happy, relaxed, and content. Why? Because these men would consistently have an average of four different women offering them an invitation to have sex on a regular basis.

Problem #1 caused by Effect #1:

At least a small percentage of the women … particularly those with selfish, spoiled egos … are not going to just freely allow those men from the Top 20% to indefinitely have their "pick of the litter." Many of those eight-hundred women are going to express an ultimatum to the Top 200 men and force them to choose THEM as their “main woman” (i.e., wife, monogamous sex partner, long-term girlfriend, etc.).

Problem #2 caused by Effect #1:

As a result of Problem #1, many of the men in the Top 20% are going to become liars and cheaters. They will indefinitely present themselves as "monogamy-minded gentlemen," but in reality, they just have too many opportunities to have sex with other women being thrown their way. Consequently, they end up choosing one “main woman” and then they relegate the remaining three women as “mistresses,” “jump offs,” or “on-the-side women.”

How Effect #1 reveals itself in real life: We all either know, or have heard about, at least one man who is married, engaged, or involved in what is supposed to be a long-term monogamous romantic relationship with a woman who has at least one mistress and at least two other “side pieces.” So, you could never argue that Effect #1 of the '80-20 Rule' Theory is strictly "hypothetical."

Effect #2:

Many of the men in the remaining 'Bottom 80%' are going to become agitated and frustrated as time passes by. This will cause them to either a) become more competitive and ambitious so that they too can be perceived as being in that ‘Top 20%’ category, or b) become jealous, envious ‘haters’ of the men who are currently in the Top 20%, and they will think of some mean-spirited methods of undermining their romantic and sexual appeal to women.

Problem #1 caused by Effect #2:

Many of the men in the Top 20% category are going to generally get along with each other. Many of the men in the Bottom 80% are also going to get along fairly well with one another. But a man who perceives himself in the Bottom 80% is always going to be ultra-competitive with a man who he perceives as being in that Top 20%. This will create many “phony friendships” and incidents of back-stabbing between so-called “friends.”

Problem #2 caused by Effect #2:

Some men will go beyond the idea of simply making attempts to improve their looks, their level of education, their level of career success, or their level of wealth. Some men on that island from the Bottom 80% will soon become so bitter and resentful to the point where they will look to cause physical harm to the men in the Top 20%. If not physical harm, they will look for ways to emasculate and humiliate their manhood in some sort of public manner.

How Effect #2 reveals itself in real life: How many times have you observed a man who was not that popular with women ‘hating’ on a guy who was real popular with women? This does not happen by chance or by accident. I have witnessed men start fights with other men for no valid reason other than the fact that they were jealous and envious of that man's popularity with women. This is why many male celebrities (who are popular with women) tend to only go out in public with some sort of security personnel.

Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich, intimated in his book that the single most significant factor that will motivate a (heterosexual) man to improve himself and his quality of life is the desire to improve the quality of women and/or increase the quantity of women he is able to date and have sex with.

Effect #3:

A number of the women on the island who have grown tired of being relegated to the status of 'mistress' or 'side piece' by one or more members of the Top 20% are going to end up doing one of two things: 1) stop pursuing a monogamous relationship with the men in ‘The Top 20%’ and start “settling” for the men in the Bottom 80% primarily so they can have children and someone to provide for them, or 2) stop dating any of the men on the island, and become content with being by themselves indefinitely (or turn to other women for romantic and sexual companionship, hence becoming bisexual).

Problem #1 caused by Effect #3:

If scenario #1 happens, many of the women who were formerly the mistresses and jump offs to the men in the Top 20% are going to become the new girlfriends and future wives to the men in the bottom 80%. This is where a saying of mine comes into play: “One man’s kinky fu** buddy is another man’s wife or girlfriend” (many of my coaching clients and radio show listeners have quoted me on that dozens of times).

Many of these women will find themselves in a “marriage of convenience” that really does not truly make them happy. These women will immediately seek to take control of the relationship, and will expect their male companion to play up to them and feel “overjoyed” that they were even selected to have the opportunity to have occasional sex with them that the men have to practically beg for. Many women will have one or more children by a man in the Top 20%, and select a man from the Bottom 80% to help her raise the child(ren).

Problem #2 caused by Effect #3:

If scenario #2 happens, a lot of the men on that island are going to become incredibly sexually frustrated. Some of those sexually frustrated men will turn to internet porn, while others will turn to violence provoked by their long-standing sexual frustration. An extreme few might become so frustrated and angry that they will start raping or serial killing the women who blatantly ignored them or harshly rejected them.

How Effect #3 reveals itself in real life: How many men have you met who literally hate women with a passion? (what is commonly known as a misogynist). Do you think those men are in the Top 20%? Of course not. If a man’s only dependable sex partner is his right or left hand coated with Vaseline, at some point he is going to snap. This is why you have men in society who have a history of raping women or killing women.

How many times have you known a woman who previously only dated handsome, popular, charming womanizer types when she was between the ages of 18 and 29 or 21 and 34, but then when she turned 35 or 36, she announced emphatically that she now wanted an "attentive, considerate, respectful nice guy?" Riiiiiiiiiiiiight. What she is really saying is, "I dated my share of guys from the Top 20%, but now that I am getting older and I want to settle down and have some babies, I am going to 'settle' for a man from that Bottom 80%."

And how many of those types of women do you know who treat their boyfriends and husbands like total crap? How many men do you know who are currently married to a woman and raising one or more children that are not even their own? I rest my case.

Effect #4:

Some of the men on that island from that privileged 'Top 20%' group are going to find a way to be entrepreneurial, and at the same time, help their fellow men from the Bottom 80% out. How? They will allow the women who are currently their mistresses and side pieces to have one night stands with men from the low end of the totem pole for a flat monetary fee. Welcome to the wonderful world of Pimpology 101.

Problem #1 caused by Effect #4:

Many of the women who would gladly have sex with a man in the Top 20% are now exchanging their sexual companionship for financial favors and material gifts from the men in the Bottom 80%. The men enjoy the sex, but after a while, they come to resent the fact that they have to pay money for it. They gain a measure of ‘egotistical revenge’ by labeling such women as “whores.” Similarly, the men from the Bottom 80% who find out that their wives and girlfriends are having sex behind-their-back with men from the Top 20% are labeled “sluts.” Many of the women accept these labels with indifference while other women become sensitive to such labels and label their critics "misogynists" and "jerks."

Problem #2 caused by Effect #4:

Remember those men from the Bottom 80% who I mentioned had to practically beg their wives and girlfriends for sex? Some of these men will start having regular, semi-regular, or occasional interactions with the “women of the night” (i.e., the women who are being pimped out by the men from the Top 20%). If they are caught by their wives and girlfriends, this is going to cause major problems and arguments with their significant others, and those women who were treated as "leftovers" by the Top 20% are going to break up or divorce their cheating partners from the Bottom 80%.

How Effect #4 reveals itself in real life: Street pimps were very popular in the mid-to-late 1960s, the 1970s, and 1980s. There are still a few pimps who are active in today’s society, but many women - because of feminism and a new sense of empowerment - tend to act more as “free agents” and present themselves as upscale Call Girls or Erotic Escorts, and they have virtually eliminated the need for a pimp's guidance and protection. These women realize that the vast majority of the men in the Bottom 80% are not violent, and that these men will pay top dollar to have sex with a woman who presents herself as being “out of the man's league.”

Bottom line?

There may not be any ‘scientific evidence’ that the '80-20 Rule' Theory of Dating and Relationships is in full effect in today’s dating scene, but it is very hard to ignore the seemingly evident ‘proof’ that is in front of our eyes on a weekly basis. Many single men in today's dating scene are frustrated, and many of the women are as well.

Quick Q & A

"Alan, applying your 80-20 island scenario to real life, how can I tell if I am a man in that mythical Top 20%? Is the criteria based on looks? Wealth? Career success? Sexual prowess? Other?"

Assuming the 80-20 Rule Theory is valid, the simple way you can identify which category you are in would be if you can pick up your phone right now, and call up at least four different women who you are genuinely attracted to - invite them to your place for the specific purpose of having sex with you - and all four women would enthusiastically reciprocate your invitation without hesitation or resistance. If that is your reality rather than your fantasy, you can consider yourself in that highly esteemed Top 20%.

If you are married, but you have at least three other women offering to be your mistress or side piece, you would also qualify for the Top 20%. Any other scenario, you would fall into the Bottom 80%.

There are men who have achieved a high degree of career success and wealth who know nothing about how to attract the romantic and sexual interest of women. Some men naturally have 'game' and personal charm with women, some men learn how to have it, and some men will never have it. For the latter, sad ... but true.

"Alan, will my love life or sex life be miserable if I am perceived as being in the Bottom 80%?"

Not necessarily. There are a number of men in society who have one girlfriend who they are happy with or a wife who they are madly in love with, and those feelings are reciprocated. No man has to be a prolific womanizer or popular ladies' man in order to be happy.

"Alan, I would think most women would be turned off by men who seem promiscuous and have a number of other women at their beck and call. This 80-20 Rule Theory seems to suggest just the opposite. I don't get it. Can you explain?"

One thing I can assure you: a 'promiscuous past' does not have the same effect on women that it does with many men who suffer from the negative effects of The Madonna / Whore Complex. Women are attracted to men who they feel other women find romantically and sexually desirable (men are not that much different in that respect). My own late mother even said to me once, "No woman wants a man who they feel no other woman would want to date."

One service that has become increasingly popular over the past few years is that of "The Wing Woman." Unlike a Call Girl or an Erotic Escort, who a man would hire for sexual companionship, the Wing Woman would accompany a man to a party, nightclub, or other social venue just to help that man capture the attention and companionship of other women of interest.

Based on my own personal experiences, I will confirm: women do pay more attention to you when you are seen with one or more attractive women in public. I had a female friend call into my talk radio show a few months back and confess that she is one of those women. She said that whenever she was at a nightclub, she always paid the most attention to the guys who were there with one or more female companions as opposed to the guys who were in the nightclub by themselves or with other men.

In the same way many believe that "when you already have wealth, you will always attract new opportunities for even more wealth," the same can be said for receiving sexual attention from women. The more attention a man is already receiving from women, typically, the more opportunities will come his way way for even more attention from women.

For the men who are already in the mythical 'Top 20%' ... you should be congratulated. Not hated on. Kudos.

For the men who are in the Bottom 80%, but aspiring to be in the Top 20% ... you have to have something that drives your ambitions .... right?

For the men who are in the Bottom 80%, and content with being there .... if you have at least one girlfriend who genuinely loves you to death or a wife who would never think of cheating on you ... what else do you need?

For the men who are in the Bottom 80% and experiencing profound feelings of anger, resentment, and frustration ... I am here to help. Contact me (seriously).

My mission continues . . .

Alan Roger Currie is the author of a number of books, including Mode One: Let the Women Know What You're REALLY Thinking and Oooooh . . . Say it Again: Mastering the Fine Art of Verbal Seduction and Aural Sex. Currie's latest eBook, The Possibility of Sex: How Naive and Lustful Men are Manipulated by Women Regularly is also available exclusively on in their Kindle format. You can also download a copy of Currie's eBook on your iPhone, Android Smartphone, or other Smartphone.

Upfront & Straightforward with Alan Roger Currie, the most-listened to talk radio podcast program in the category of "Romance" and "Self-Help for Relationships" on the BlogTalkRadio Internet Radio Network, can be heard LIVE every Thursday evening at 10:00pm EST / 7:00pm PST. Visit and for more details

Currie offers email, telephone, and Skype consultations to both men and women; Visit to purchase a consultation.

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