Saying goodbye by building a "RAFT"

Saying goodbye (photo: P Smith wikimedia commons public domain)

In the book, "Third Culture Kids: The Experience of Growing Up Among Worlds," the authors, David C. Pollock and Ruth E. Van Reken talk about what is needed for a healthy closure when it comes to saying goodbyes.

Think of saying goodbye as building a RAFT:

Reconciliation

Affirmation

Farewells

Think Destination

Reconciliation:  As a third culture kid, it is easy to fall into the trap of dealing with a misunderstanding by not doing anything about it.  Sooner or later, we will leave, and we wont see the person we disagreed with again.  But, if we do not  do anything about our problems, we carry with us the invisible heavy mental baggage of unresolved problems.  The "baggage' can cause bitterness to grow and may affect any new relationship we have. Reconciliation involves the need to forgive and the need to be forgiven.  How you resolve a misunderstanding or problem depends on what culture you are in.  Find out what is socially acceptable in the culture you are in and then resolve your misunderstanding.

Affirmation:   This involves acknowledging those we meet by letting them know we appreciate them. Again, how you do this depends on the culture you are in.  Doing this will remind us of the good times we had in the place we leaved in.

Farewells:  Say good-bye to people, things, places, pets and whatever you have to leave.  Make time to do so.  For example, you can say good-bye to people by visiting them and writing a note.  If you have to leave something you treasure, consider taking a picture of it to take with you.

Thinking destination:  Think about where you are going at the same time you are saying goodbye. Ask yourself what are the pros and cons about saying goodbye and moving to your new home. Think about the practical stuff such as learning to drive on the other side of the road. Or perhaps needing to leave 110-volt appliances because you wont be able to use them.

Source:

Third culture kids: The Experience of Growing Up Among Worlds There is a new version of the book, you can order it at amazon.

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