If nothing else comic Russell Brand is predictable.
During His opening monologue the English comedian used his sardonic wit as a weapon, placing a host of celebrities in his sights.
He began with a discussion of the end of the world.
“Tonight is an important ceremony because according to the Mayans, the world will end in December this year,” Brand noted. “If Earth hurtles into the sun and humanity is destroyed, we will all say as one: 'We had the MTV Movie Awards 2012 and it was worth it! But let's not worry about the impending doom of our planet now.”
Whenever Brand wanted to get the attention of the audience, he shouted out the words,
“’Twilight!’” and/or “’Hunger Games!’” to receive Pavlovian cheers from the audience.
The comic MC's first target was singer Justin Bieber.
“Justin Bieber beat up a paparazzi. Well done, Justin!” Brand excliamed. The host then called Bieber “so pretty” that "even if he was attacking me, I think I would do a little orgasm.”
“And if after recent events you think it's hypocritical of me joking about a celebrity beating up a paparazzi, wait until you see what I have to say about short-lived celebrity marriages,” Brand added using a bit of self deprecation.
The comic then aimed at the new celebrity power couple Kim Kardashian and Kanye West.
“I admire Kanye a lot.” Brand deadpanned. “His drunken stage invasion at the last MTV award show I hosted took a lot of pressure off me, like watching someone else get in trouble at school.”
Brand said Kim took a lot of pressure off of him with her “world record quick marriage. Thanks Kim!”
“I just hope [Kanye West and Kim Kardashian] do a new sex tape,” he said. “I think fo Kim Kardashian as the Stanley Kubrick of sex tapes. They're always brilliant, but she only does one a decade.”
Brand described his upcoming movie, “Rock of Ages,” as the best musical since “Grease.” He explained that he prepared for the Movie Awards by giving “Grease” star John Travolta a massage.
“He needed it, man. He was so stiff, I'm telling ya!”
The monologue ended with more self deprecating humor. “The last time I did an MTV awards show, I did end up marrying someone that was there. So tonight I'm going to keep my eyes peeled for my next wife,” Brand said.