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Obama grants Constitutional rights to foreigners

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Reassuring foreigners that his administration isn't spying on "ordinary people" overseas, Barack Obama is planning on initiating changes to America's intelligence gathering agencies that certainly are wide and varied. Specifically, one of Obama's security measures for "ordinary people" directed will surely raise the eyebrows of conservatives and Constitutional lawyers across the nation, as reported by the Cybercast News Service ( on Jan. 18, 2014.

On the heels of the United States National Security Administration coming under fire for gathering "megadata" of telephone communications aimed at thwarting terrorism, it was revealed that millions upon millions of US citizens as well as foreigners had the Obama Administration gathering much more information they were aware of.

I'm From The Government, And I'm Here To Help...

To quell fears of non-US citizens overseas, the Chief Executive has taken it upon himself to bestow rights under the Constitution to non-citizens.

Specifically, right under the Fourth Amendment guaranteeing American citizens against illegal search and seizure will soon be granted to the entire population of the globe that has telephone access.

Somehow forgetting that the reason for spy agencies to exist is so they can spy, Obama announced from his prepared text via teleprompter:

In this directive, I have taken the unprecedented step of extending certain protections that we have for the American people to people overseas.

I've directed the DNI, in consultation with the Attorney General, to develop these safeguards, which will limit the duration that we can hold personal information, while also restricting the use of this information.

The bottom line is that people around the world, regardless of their nationality, should know that the United States is not spying on ordinary people who don’t threaten our national security, and that we take their privacy concerns into account in our policies and procedures.

This applies to foreign leaders as well.

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