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Lindsay Lohan, seen here being classy in court, has made some enemies in jail
Well, it sounds like Lindsay Lohan isn't making any new friends in the Lynwood County Jail where she's being held for a variety of offenses. After reporting for her 90-day stretch earlier this week (which is rumored to become something closer to a 10-day sentence due to prison overcrowding), the actress has been kept largely to herself, but the jail is now on lockdown after inmates chanted "Fire Crotch" at the former Mean Girls star, sending her into a "hysterical fit". Wow, there's a whole lot going on in that sentence, isn't there? Let's look at the details below, my gentle Examiner readers...
You might recall that Mean Girls star Lindsay Lohan once had a very embarrassing nickname: "Fire Crotch". Paris Hilton, Brandon Davis, and a few other Los Angeles-based non-celebrities commonly refered to Lohan by this name a few years back, and now it appears that her dreaded nickname has made a comeback: the Lynwood County Jail is on lockdown after a group of inmates chanted the nickname at Lohan, sending her into a "hysterical fit". Well, that was unexpected. Here's the news:
The 24-year-old allegedly broke down in tears after prisoners at the Lynwood women's prison chanted "fire crotch" at her, referring to the Mean Girls actress' frequent sexual escapades, the Daily Mirror reported.
"Lindsay would lie there shivering all night, crying and covering her face with her hands. Her wailing was keeping everyone awake .... She had a hysterical fit, crying and yelling, so she got put in isolation," said Cheryl Presser, who was released from the jail on Friday night.
The Daily Mirror does not explain why Lohan would have been in the company of the other inmates, which flies in the face of everything we've been told about Lohan's incarceration up to this point. By all accounts, she's been placed in a cell by herself and isn't given any access to the other inmates for her own safety. Either this story's A) untrue, B) too good to be true, so we should probably call shenanigans, or C) missing some important information. Namely, why Lindsay Lohan was cavorting around with other inmates. That'd be inappropriate for a number of reasons.
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For those not in the know, "Fire Crotch" is a term that is often applied to those with red hair (for obvious reasons). It's easy to have forgotten it at this point, but there was a time when Lindsay Lohan had red hair, a color that was far more flattering than the "Strungover Blonde" color she's been rocking for the past few years. In related news, the word on the street is that Lindsay will be released from prison any minute now due to the immense overcrowding at the Lynwood County Jail. Were Lohan to be released in the next few days, that would drop her 90-day sentence down to, oh, about a week. That's good news for Lindsay: whether she serves 90 days or 3, she's still gonna get paid hand over fist for her first post-jail interview. Hooray for justice!
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Stay tuned for more updates on Lindsay Lohan, Fire Crotches, and other nonsense here at the Comedy Examiner's Office in the near future. If you've got a funny video, photo, or some otherwise amusing story you'd like to see featured here at Comedy Examiner HQ, don't hesitate to send it in. Hit the "Subscribe" button up top to get all future Comedy Examiner articles delivered to your inbox, free of charge, the moment they're published. Here's what else we've been up to lately:
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(photos: top--radaronline.com, middle--usweekly.com, bottom--tmz.com)
Comments
Hey Lindsay.....got a light ?
How is this comedy? It is sad that you are taking a short reprt from another site and twisting it into comedy story. The jail is not on lockdown and that is just cheap sensationalism. She was put on solitary. End of story. Maybe u are the crotch here for doing injustice to a story.
Do u hv permission for the photo use
I call bullshit.
Sad
So does the jail go on lock down every time an inmate is insulted? The special treatment for Lohan and unjust punishment of other prisoners (little people) is amazing if this story is true.
It never ceases to amaze me how fame and fortune can make idiots out of people. Here is this young woman who could have everything going for her yet she chooses to throw it all away and act like a spoiled, inconsiderate, and selfish ass. There are thousands...millons of people that need and would use HALF of what she has just to live simple lives.
Wake up and smell the strong black coffee little girl and become what you could be.
Why don't everyone leave that poor girl alone? She is a damn good actress and has been acting at a very young age. It would'nt be such a big deal if she was a normal person. Truth is every one makes mistakes, (even celebrities)! It does'nt change who she is. I would love to meet her. I've seen all her movies, and like them all. Paris hilton should be called the Fire Crotch. She is the stankin' ass ????!!
spoiled rotton brat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey Lindsay, Stop acting like a Spoiled Bitch and woman-up. If you can't do the time, don't do the crime!!!!
I think Lindsay should do all 90 days in jail! she deserves it she has had to many breaks,we not being famous wouldnt get a break if we did what she has! keep her in for 90 days!!!!!
This 7 figure sum she is getting for an interview after jail life is probably the most $$ she ever made as an actress. This may be tempting for her to do other outlandish things to put her back in jail to receive another 7 figure $$ when she gets out of jail on that one. It could start a never ending cycle. I doubt the public really doesn't consider Lindsay a serious actress. I mean her last hit movie was like 7/8 years ago. Lindsay is more famous for being an addicted drug/alcohol mess, than an actress. Look at the latest headlines. It's all about the partying/naughty b*tch Lindsay, than her acting. Lindsay is 24 years old, she is not a kid and it infuriates me when people say, "Oh, she's just a kid, be easy on her." She is an adult and should take responsibility for all her stupid actions to date. She is nothing but a spoiled brat who thinks she is better than everyone else and demands special treatment. Get over yourself Lindsay, you are way overrated!!!
Lindsey Lohan? I cant believe the news coverage being given to a spoiled 20-something year old. Here are a few 20 year olds worth knowing about: Justin Allen23, Brett Linley 29, Matt Weikert 29, Justus Bartett 27, Dave Santos 21,Chase Stanley 21, Jesse Reed 26, Matthew King 23, Christopher Goeke 23 & Sheldon Tate 27. T...hese 20-somethings gave their lives for you this week.
As result of Lidsays crying all inmates including her will have to watch herby the love bug on movie night !
I am NOT a Lindsay Lohan fan but if you will notice, there are NO reputable news services shoving this story. Why? Because it's NOT true. Lindsay Lohan is nowhere NEAR any other inmates and this story is made up by the 3rd rate media and a slumdog that was recently released from the jail herself in an effort to make a quick buck for her information. People believe everything they're fed. This whole thing is a made up story. BELIEVE THAT!
iam soo. for pepole like ll. she has or had it made still problemy do. she has pepole who love her family, she has money she is kinda pretty. i wish i had money but money doesn.t always buy happiness. linday keep on doing, what you are doing, partying heavy you will be dead at 30.
lindsay lohan, is a very pretty young woman please dont mes your life up, because i was raised around drinking daddy, mama my only brother sisters. and cousins. it killed them all, please wake up brush your self off, and be proud of who you are.
If she were a regular person like me not one person would care...if you are a actress or actor and if you break the law you should be held accountable just like everyone else....
She deserves to be in there. I think she should be in contact with other inmates. Let her see what life is.
Okay so here's the deal..and I am NOT sticking up for Lilo in any way. Why are we believing what a released "inmate" says? Does anyone think this Cheryl person might want her 15 minutes of fame? I have read Lilos in with the killers,along with a lot of other nonsense and trust me there is a set of guide lines for housing people. They don't just throw everyone in together and hope for the best. It's a thought though, those molesters,gang members and others would all kill each other therefore less in jail and beds for those who needs them. Nope theres a law about that too..anyway don't beleive everything you read. Most of it's crap you can't rely on everything being honest info.
Please read my blog on this. Yes, this story is COMPLETELY untrue.I was a journalist at the jail and interviewed Cheryl before the so-called Mirror "reporter" came along. You can read it at my blog on kelliforniadreaming (Wordpress blog)
LOLFire crotch is the name Marilyn Manson gave her!
Nobody with red hair likes that name. It's racist
I feel very bad for this poor girl now. At first I was happy to see her being punished what what she'd done. But Lindasay is being mistreated by the media and the public. Least not forget people that Lindsay is a real person with feelings and emotions just like you. She feels pain just like you.
She's going through a very terrible time in her life and people are laughing and happy about it. People are making fun of her. How sad. I suppose if she hangs herself in her cell and we find her dead one morning, then we'll see just how far we pushed her off the edge.
None of you will be happy until she loses it and takes her own life. We have turned into a bitter society.
this is a prime example of corruption .....the girl gets 90 days in jail ....state law says you must do atleast 50% she does only 14 ....where the heck did this judges learn how to count ....now they are getting 2 more days shaved off ....for what cuz she cried .....screw the judge and the DA in that county .....they are corrupt and bought /paid for ....DAM u ...i hate the government ......her lil whining brat would of keept me awake i would of kicked the door off the hinges to let those punk pigs know this is is not fair....those girls in there have to do all there time...there are girls in there doing 30 days and with good time still serve more then her ....%$#@ u america and spoiled richCHEATERS ...DAM u .....
@keith .....maybe she should realize she is rich and has everything in life and doesnt have to dumb stuff to get her in jail ....
@retired co......you were taught to treat people like dirt ....you do not count to think on this subject .....you were pushing communism,slavery , racial tension,and how to be a douche ....everyday ....hey but you retired congrats ....hopefully u werre one of the very few good ones
This is not good. It just cements in her head that she is the center of the world where ever she happens to be at the moment: the bathroom snortin coke, the bar being told to pay for booze, in jail watching tv and getting fat, etc. Oh yeah, "fire crotch" is the best they could come up with? For shame incarcerated bitches, for shame.
Yeesh,
Good lord, since when is upholding the law of those who don't pushing communism, slavery and racial tension? Educated much? I have dealt with every type of individual imaginable. Parents who rape and molest their infant children and older siblings, fathers who beat their small sons to death with a baseball bat and the body was never found..rapist of grandmothers, and right down to the local drunk who just can't seem to get their act together. You have no right to wave your finger at me, or anyone else who babysits and tolerates the foulest of the foul and maintains some civility to them to get them through the court process and sentenced. You sound rather bitter, perhaps you've had a rotten experience regarding jail. I was a very good officer and inmates repected me because I did my job. And I retired because I got injured by a strung our prisoner. I could be bitter about that I suppose because I liked my job and I was good at it. And if I could I'd go back tomorrow.
Good luck
Josh,
I don't wish harm on anyone ever, but having been around self destructive people a good portion of my life and having tried to save them, when they have no wish to be saved, there comes a point where I simply decided to sit back in detachment and allowed it to happen. Perhaps through your rose colored glasses everyone can be saved, but there are some, like Lohan, who seem intent on self destruction, and enablers like the Judge and those around Lohan, who are accelerating her destruction. Their is a point where trying to save some people becomes a waste of time. Lohan is very near that point.
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