In a recent article of mine, I used the terms "Alpha Male" and "Beta Male." Many men who have read my books are familiar with these terms (it has nothing to do with fraternities on college campuses), but other men and many women may have never heard of this terminology before. What exactly do these terms mean, and how do they relate to dating and relationships?
Generally speaking, an "Alpha Male" is a male who has natural leadership qualities, represents total heterosexual 'manliness,' and possesses an innate tendency to be dominant and competitive in nature.
A "Beta Male" on the other hand is a male whose primary nature is to defer to someone else's leadership and authority, rather than assume a leadership position himself. Beta males are generally seen as somewhat passive and/or more compromising than the average Alpha Male.
Some men are under the misguided belief that it is they who get to 'choose' which category they most appropriately belong in. Sorry. Doesn't work that way. For the most part, it is the women who you interact with who determine how "Alpha" you are and/or how "Beta" you are. You might chat with "Lisa" on Monday, and she will give you the respect of a Total Alpha Male, but you might be hanging out with "Denise" on Friday, and she might treat you like a Total Beta Male.
The categories I am about to describe contribute heavily to your relationship dynamics with women. Ever wonder why some women treat certain guys like they would hop in bed with them in a micro-second, while they treat other men like you couldn't pay them six figures to have sex with them? These four categories below will enlighten you.
Total Alpha Male
Very few men achieve the status of "Total Alpha Male." This is the type of guy that other men tend to naturally defer to, and almost immediately give them their due respect. Or, in some cases, other men feel threatened by these manly men and try their best to stay away from them (and keep their women away from them). Usually, women respond to Total Alpha Males almost as soon as they are in this type of man's physical presence.
How can you tell when women perceive you as a Total Alpha Male? When you really don't have to put forth any effort and/or do too much talking in order to attract and seduce a woman. A Total Alpha Male can many times just look at a woman, and a woman will be ready to take off their clothes and sleep with him. That is how powerful a Total Alpha Male's testosterone and pheromones are. You could be broke and/or unemployed, or be maintaining a harem of multiple sex partners in your 'stable,' and women will still want to have sex with you. Many times, even married women and women in committed relationships will want to exchange orgasms with you. Women will typically show sexual interest in you first ... before you express any sort of sexual flirtatiousness towards them.
If there is any "drawback" to being perceived as a Total Alpha Male, it would be that very few women will view you as "marriage material" or maintain a desire to remain in a long-term committed relationship with you because they will find the sexual attention you receive from other women to be too intimidating.
Your best chance for a long-term relationship would probably have to be an "open relationship" or something resembling a "swinger." Some women will remain faithful to you though, even though they know you are sexually satisfying other women. Have you ever met men who have never been married, and never have maintained a long-term monogamous relationship with any woman, but they have a number of children out of wedlock? More often than not, those men were perceived by women as Total Alpha Males.
Men tend to refer to these guys as "pimps" and "players." Women often refer to these men as "jerks" or "womanizers."
Best Celebrity Male Example and/or Movie Character: Even though he's now deceased, the late, great NBA legend Wilt Chamberlain (who was rumored to have slept with 20,000 women in his adult life) would probably best fall into this category. Wilt never married, but was never at a lack for female companionship. Many male adult film stars would fall into this category as well. The movie character of James Bond (particularly as played by the legendary Sean Connery) would best fall into this category.
Alpha Male with Beta Tendencies
The category of "Alpha Male with Beta Tendencies" represents what is arguably the most sought-after group of men in society by women out of the four categories. This is the type of guy that women ideally want to date and marry, but they would be willing to settle for regular or semi-regular casual sex with these same guys as well. Women generally find men in this category equally sexually appealing as well as romantically desirable.
How can you tell when women perceive you as an Alpha Male with Beta Tendencies? Women will do just about anything to please you in a relationship and hold on to you as a long-term companion or spouse. They will want to be the mother to your children. They will always let you know that you are the one in charge of the relationship. Women will ideally want you to remain faithful to them, but if you were to be caught cheating, more than likely, your wife or girlfriend will forgive you. Women see you as being both a protector and provider.
If you are perceived by women to be an Alpha Male with Beta Tendencies, women will sometimes try to "challenge you," so be prepared for it. They want to make sure that you have more "Alpha" in your DNA than "Beta." So sometimes, a woman might purposely act defiant towards you, or get very sassy and smart-alecky with you, just to keep you on your toes and see what you are truly made of.
Men tend to refer to these guys as "ladies' men" while the vast majority of women often refer to these men as a "good catch" or "husband material."
Best Celebrity Male Example and/or Movie Character: Brad Pitt and Boris Kodjoe would probably best represent male celebrities who most women would perceive as Alpha Males with Beta Tendencies. These men are thought of as good husbands and companions, but there are also many women who would have casual sex with them. Bruce Willis' character of "Officer John McClane" in the Die Hard series of feature-films would be a good movie character example.
Beta Male with Alpha Tendencies
A "Beta Male with Alpha Tendencies" is the type of guy that women will only want to have sex with under one of two conditions: 1) If the guy is financially self-sufficient and willing to support a spouse/companion and her children (even if the children are from a previous relationship or marriage with another man) and/or 2) if the guy is 100% committed to remaining faithful to the woman in a monogamous relationship and allowing her to essentially "call the shots" in the relationship.
Have you ever seen a man in a relationship where it was clear that the woman was "wearing the pants?" (i.e., the woman is the more dominant, decision-making partner) Dominant, controlling Alpha Females love men who are Beta Males with Alpha Tendencies.
How can you tell when women perceive you as a Beta Male with Alpha Tendencies? Everything about a woman's conversation with you will center on your degree of career success, your degree of financial success, and/or how monogamous-minded you are. These are the most important qualities and attributes to a woman when she perceives you as a Beta Male with Alpha Tendencies. The woman might feign as if you are "in control" of the relationship at times, but rest assured, that is all a well-crafted performance on her part. Deep-down, this woman knows that she is calling the shots.
If you are perceived by women to be a Beta Male with Alpha Tendencies, women will only look to have sex with you within the context of a long-term monogamous relationship. Casual sex is out of the question. Many times, even in a marriage, you might have to damn near "beg" for sex from your wife. Sex will many times be erratic (women are only having sex with you out of obligation ... not true desire or passion). Don't ever think about cheating on these women or losing your high-paying job. If either happens, you're history. And even if you don't lose your job or cheat on your wife or girlfriend, there is at least a 40-50% chance that she is cheating on you with a Total Alpha Male or Alpha Male with Beta Tendencies.
Men tend to refer to these guys as "henpecked" while women often refer to these men as "nice guys" or "sweethearts." But women ... beware: If you push men in this category too much, they will unleash their more fiery side (think of Michael Jai White's character of "Marcus" in Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married? & Why Did I Get Married Too?)
Best Celebrity Male Example and/or Movie Character: Ben Stiller or Steve Carell, and just about any character they portray in a romantic comedy. Seth Rogen's character of "Ben Stone" in the popular romantic comedy, Knocked Up is a great example.
Total Beta Male
A "Total Beta Male" is the type of guy that will usually end up being most women's favorite "platonic friend" and/or "play brother." Plain and simply, women do not find these types of guys romantically and/or sexually appealing. Women would much rather share the company of a Total Beta Male in a "let's just be friends" manner than anything romantic or sexual. Women love to use these guys as a faithful "listening ear" while they vent about the Alpha Males who dumped them, and left them feeling hurt, irritated and/or frustrated.
How can you tell when women perceive you as a Total Beta Male? Anytime women get totally turned off by you when you try to act flirtatious, romantic and/or sexual in their company. If you flirt with a woman, and her first response is to be repulsed, and immediately say things like, "Sorry [your first name here], but I don't look at you that way. You're like a little / big brother to me. Having sex with you would feel like incest!!" then this means that this particular woman perceives you as a Total Beta Male.
If you are perceived as a Total Beta Male, you will be in the dreaded "friend zone" indefinitely. The only thing worse than being a Total Beta Male is being an Omega Male. Women want nothing to do with an Omega Male, even platonically. An Omega male is a total, total loser not even worthy of being "just friends" with a woman.
Best Celebrity Male Example and/or Movie Character: Jay Leno or Conan O'Brien. These guys are perceived as funny and great talk show hosts, but I've never heard any women categorize either as "heartthrobs" or "sex symbols" (but both are happily married). Michael Cera and Christopher Mintz-Plasse's characters in Superbad are pretty much Total Beta Males.
Have you ever been in a situation where when you first met a woman, she acted very flirtatious towards you ... but then days, weeks or months later, she started behaving as though she was irritated by any flirtatious behavior you exhibited toward her? This is usually a sign that a woman initially perceived you as a Total Alpha Male, or an Alpha Male with Beta Tendencies, but once she got to know you better, she realized that you were nothing more than a Total Beta Male or Beta Male with Alpha Tendencies.
Same with the reverse scenario. I have sometimes had women in my life initially treat me like a Beta Male, but then days, weeks or months later, they began to give me the respect of an Alpha Male or Alpha Male with Beta Tendencies. (This is actually why "Seduction Gurus" and "Dating Coaches" are in high demand these days. These guys primarily get paid to teach men who have 'beta' tendencies how to develop their more 'alpha' side)
Some of what contributes to your Alpha or Beta status is physical appearance and genetics (example: tall, athletic and muscular with defined cheek bones will usually cause Alpha perceptions in women), while the remaining 50-60% of what determines how women perceive you is your overall behavior, attitude, personality and demeanor while in a woman's presence (for example, fawning over a woman excessively will immediately provoke a beta perception).
Read one or more of my books if you want to find out more about how personality and behavior plays into women's perceptions of you.
In my next article, I will do a similar break down of women. Why are some women consistently perceived as "wife material" while other women are relegated to the role of "mistress" or "side piece?" I will offer my perspective to my female readers that will surely be entertaining and enlightening. Until then . . .