28 easy-to-follow strategies that will keep you from cheating on
your wife, from infidelity expert Ruth Houston.
Photo: istockphoto.com / Daniel Laflor
With men Tiger Woods, David Letterman, Mark Sanford, and even “the man next door” cheating on their mates, you may be wondering how it’s possible for any man to avoid infidelity.
This article, the second article of a two-part series, lists 28 things you can easily incorporate into your marriage and your lifestyle, to keep you from cheating on your wife.
NOTE: The companion article, Part 1, entitled How Good Men End Up Cheating on Their Mates, looks at how even a “good man” with the best of intentions can succumb to infidelity, and end up cheating on his mate. .
As an infidelity expert who has been researching infidelity for over 16 years, I’ve interviewed thousands of cheating men from all walks of life. The 28 easy-to-follow strategies below will make it easy for you to avoid infidelity, and are guaranteed to help you stay faithful to your wife.
28 Ways to Keep From Cheating on Your Wife
by Infidelity Expert Ruth Houston
National Infidelity Examiner for Examiner.com
1. Never flirt with a woman other than your wife. It’s too easy to take things to the next level.
2. If another woman flirts with you, comes on strong, or tries to seduce you, ignore her, change the subject, or make it clear that you’re not interested. If none of these things work, remove yourself from the scene.
3. Avoid cultivating close personal relationships with other women. Close female friendships pave the way for emotional infidelity, which is the precursor to sexual infidelity.
4. Make sure your wife knows all your female co-workers, acquaintances, and friends. Secret female friendships can quickly turn into affairs.
5. Make sure your female friends, acquaintances and co-workers know that you are married, and not interested in any action on the side.
6. Make it equally clear to your male friends that you fully intend to remain faithful to your wife.
7. Limit your contact with men who are cheating on their mates. That way you won’t fall victim to peer pressure, the “birds-of-a-feather syndrome,” or cheating by association.
8. Confide in your wife and no one else. She’s the one with whom you should share your hopes, dreams, good times, bad times, triumphs and failures. Make her your very best friend. Isn’t that why you got married?
9. Discourage other women from confiding in you.
10. Refrain from getting involved in other women’s personal problems. Many men get caught up in infidelity while trying to be “helpful.” Trying to rescue a damsel in distress can get you into a world of trouble.
11. Avoid certain topics of conversation with other women – sex, her boyfriend’s or husband’s shortcomings, her marriage or relationship problems, your wife’s faults, your marital problems.
12. Never complain to another woman about your marriage or your wife.
13. Avoid being alone with another woman. Why put yourself in harm’s way? You’re least likely to cheat when there are other people around.
14. Let your life be an open book when it comes to your wife.. You shouldn’t keep secrets of any kind from her.
15. Share all your passwords with your wife - your cell phone, laptop, e-mail accounts, bank accounts and anything else. This way, you won’t be tempted to conceal anything from her, because you can’t.
16. At work, don’t make a habit of taking your coffee break, or having lunch with the same female workmate everyday.
17. Don’t socialize with female workmates during non-business hours unless your wife is present, or you’re part of a group.
18. If you travel for work, always take your wife with you, whenever possible.
19. If it’s not possible for your wife to accompany you when you travel, stay in constant touch with her. Give her your itinerary, and a land line where you can be reached. Let her know where you are at all times.
20. Spend quality time with your wife, doing things you both enjoy.
21. Share your passions, your hobbies, your favorite pastimes with your wife or with your male friends. Engaging in common interests with a female other than your wife only lays the groundwork for an extramarital affair.
22. Be especially careful if you’re under the influence of drugs or alcohol. These substances lower your inhibitions, impair your judgment, and anything is likely to occur.
23. Avoid temptation. Do not put yourself in compromising situations. Why tempt fate?
24. Stay away from internet porn and online dating sites. Don’t even take a peek to satisfy your curiosity.
25. Don’t even think about being unfaithful to your wife. Thoughts precede actions. Fantasizing what it would be like to have sex with someone else allows the idea of infidelity to take root in your mind.
26. Think about all you stand to lose if you cheat, even if you don’t get caught – your money, your marriage, your health (HIV/AIDS and other STD’s), your reputation, your job and probably a whole lot more. Don’t let your desire for sex overrule your common sense.
27. Keep the romance and passion alive in your marriage and you won’t have to seek it anywhere else.
28. Learn to use the word “No.” It’s a small word – 2 letters, 1 syllable, easy to pronounce. Use it liberally and it will serve you well, especially if you find yourself in a compromising situation. It will go a long way toward helping you stay faithful, and will keep you from cheating on your wife.
*** © copyright 2009 Ruth Houston. All rights reserved.
Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on infidelity issues in the news. She is the author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, the founder of InfidelityAdvice.com and publishes the Infidelity News and Views blog.
For more information about infidelity, cheating husbands, and extramarital affairs, see:.
How Good Men End Up Cheating on Their Mates
The Top 10 Reasons Why Men and Women Cheat
14 Reasons Why Tiger Woods and Other Rich and Famous Men Cheat
Why Politicians Cheat and What Their Wives Can Do
Is There a Gene That Makes Men Cheat?
Are Wives to Blame When Husbands Cheat?
Free Infidelity Tip Sheets and Special Reports
Comments
These 28 strategies comprise the biggest pile of horse-hockey I've ever read! Don't ever have lunch with the same female co-worker? Don't have fantasies about being unfaithful? This is hog-wash and doesn't even address the uniquely human aspects of sexuality. Sounds like this expert is foolishly naive (or surprisingly uninformed).
I see the Love and Marriage guttersnipe has jumped yet another Examiner's topic.
Hello Ruth:
Linked again to you today. Sorry, I forgot to tell you that I linked to you the other day as well in "Tiger Woods update: nude photo ban, a love child, and golf retirement."
Today I mentioned that you are doing a series on Infidelity.
Happiness/ R
Bwahahaha... Only 28 things I gotta remember to do... Should be easy!
I anxiously await your list of "28 things a woman should do to keep her husband interested in only her..."
Sheesh!
Hi Ruth,
That's a hefty list! Everyone of those seems practical and useful on it's own, and I'm wondering if it could be culled down to say, 10, by combining any? Just a thought! Obviously, you've studied this for a long time, and understand the nuances of infidelity better than most. Best/T
Ignore comment by jz who is really just a envious writer somewhere on this blog. L&M examiner does good work.
Hi Ruth, Without naming anybody just letting you know that 'jz' leaves snippy comments about other examiners all over this site. For Rita's sake, could you delete the 'guttersnipe' comment.
How shallow can you get ?
Oh ya, time you should seek a refresher course in causes and preventions of infidelity. ( possibly also, give us some insights how women can become better wives and those who aren't married how they can avoid breaking marriages )
Angelique, Jan,
Thanks for the “heads up” about jz’s comments. I’m a great admirer of Rita’s (Love and Marriage) work, and Tinamarie’s (Modern Love) work.
Tinamarie,
Thanks for the suggestion to combine some of the 28 tips. I’ll take another look. I tried to condense 16+ years of infidelity interviews into key things that lead “good” men down the path to infidelity without them being aware they’re headed in that direction. - part of my mission to halt the infidelity epidemic by educating about infidelity.
I may just redo it as a free “special report” and list it on my blog with the other free infidelity tip sheets and special reports – or add it to the Affair Recovery Info in the Bonus Section included in the e-book version of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs – or incorporate it into the 3 Infidelity Awareness Campaigns I do each year. (Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Summer)
To all my fellow Examiners – keep up the good work.! Happy examining!
Ruth
I posted this article in a modified form on my journal. It is interesting to see the responses I am getting. I totally agree with this list, and see it as giving respect and love to your partner, yourself, and your relationship. Our society does not promote this personal investment into developing a real, true commitment based on integrity, and so sees it as giving up the right to "feel good" (short-term) by having intimate relationships outside the marriage. Leads to slippery slopes, I think...
My journal entry is on Opendiary, I am sam_i_am_62, and the entry is titled 28 things.
Thanks for writing this!
Insulting. Men and women can be close friends and still keep their pants on.
This is horrible advice for everyone except people with highly mature, sensitive, and discreet spouses.
It's great to remove temptation, but to cut off contact from half the species is ridiculous. Some of the things I've done for my girlfriend that really made her happy were ideas that came from my female friends. They have helped me translate many of the things she says and shown me small ways in which to demonstrate my love for her. I can honestly say that I couldn't have thought of half of those things...not because I'm insensitive or an idiot, they just wouldn't occur to me because I don't think in that way.
Secondly, share everything? There's a great idea...
Seriously? First of all, sharing all my emails would only invite my gf involved in matters that she ethically shouldn't know. My parents were that way, and I hated it and learned not to talk to one about something if I didn't want the other to know. And if my mom knew something, you could be sure that her friends would know it. If they knew it, chances are their kids would hear about it eventually, even if by mistake. Besides, how would my sister feel if my girlfriend knew that she was battling with depression? Would my best friend appreciate it if my girlfriend read the email he sent me in confidence telling me that his wife cheated on him, and asking me for advice and if I knew of a good therapist or attorney? What about my patients? Should I let my girlfriend read about all their medical issues, just so I'm not tempted to cheat on her?
Just out of curiosity, what exactly makes you an infidelity expert? Can you perhaps point out some peer reviewed primary articles you've authored?
I must say that I am disappointed but not surprised by all the negativity geared towards this article. Instead of encouraging the author in her effort to stop the devastating heartbreak that is sweeping across the U.S. due to infidelity....the only thing some posters can do is criticize and say cruel things. Perhaps this is helpful to someone, perhaps this will help someone and spare the heart ache that is associated with infidelity. The spouse and the children are effected. I want to personally thank the author in her effort to help.
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