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How not to break up


The breakup. It’s nearly inevitable since more people breakup than stay together. But what’s really painful, is the breakup that you didn’t see coming. Those are the types of breakups that make you feel like you’re going to die, take a long time to heal from, and ultimately leave a scar that can be reopened in an instant in your future relationships.

So, breakups are a part of life. Think of them as growing experiences, perfecting you, maturing you, for Ms. Right. But this article is not so much for the break-ee, as it is for the break-er.

There’s a right and wrong way to do everything. Sometimes there are several right ways, and several wrong ways. Breaking up is one of those situations where there’s a right and wrong; a mature, and immature. Here are my top ways not to break up with someone.

Over the phone, on voicemail, text message or email – OK… can you grow a sack please? Are you so lame that you cannot face the person who you’re about to devastate. This is the ultimate cowardess way to break up with someone. I think that the break-ee deserves to have it said face to face.

On Valentine’s Day – of all the holidays of the year, this is one that has been reserved for lovers only. If you don’t have a lover on this day, you feel like crap. Imagine having a lover in the morning, but before the day is out, not having one. What would that be? Double, or triple feeling like crap? That has got to be the harshest thing ever to break up with someone on this day. Choose another day. Actually, choose another week. Preferably the week before or the week after, even though some would say, “you broke up with me right before Valentine’s Day!”, and others would say, “you waited and pretended until after Valentine’s Day!”. So it’s kind of a lose/lose. But, just don’t do it on the day.

On a holiday (Especially a big one like Christmas, Thanksgiving or God forbid, your anniversary) – Holidays are a joyous time. You’re spending time with people you love, eating a lot, laughing, talking… etc. But for the break-ee, every year, that particular holiday you decided to break up on, will be a constant reminder of pain. Choose a date that has no significance at all.

Over dinner at your favorite restaurant – A place where you two always go isn’t a good place to break up. Why ruin your favorite spot? Why tarnish all of the good memories? Take her somewhere out of character if you decide to break it off in a public spot for fear of your life – to me, that’s the only reason why the breakup should be public. But think hard before you do so; it can be extremely embarrassing for the both of you.

Right after sex – I understand wanting to have it one last time before you cut all ties. Maybe the sex is great, but she’s an airhead. I get it. Lots of people have breakup sex. But, wait until all of the body sensations have subsided, and there’s no cuddling. Actually, wait until you’re dressed, she’s dressed, and you’re both out of the bedroom. Even waiting for an hour after, it’s still not a great time to break up with someone after they’ve shared their body and soul with you. You truly can’t get closer to a person than that. Hmmm, maybe do it the next day.

Right before your big event – you and she have planned this spectacular event for friends and family, and an hour or two before everyone arrives, you break up. That’s uncomfortable because she’s an emotional wreck, and you possibly have to pretend to still be the happy couple for all of your guests to not drag them into the “drama”. They came for a party! Not to see her crying, you being non-chalent, and the energy in the room unbearable.

On your wedding day – I’ve heard of people leaving their bride to be at the alter. That’s just pathetic. Why wait until the day of the wedding to break up? Of all the breakup scenarios, this one has got to be the most embarrassing, most hurtful, and the costliest. Just don’t do it. If you had second thoughts, they came way before the wedding day. If you have cold feet, so what. Once you’ve gone that far, you have to go through with it. I know firsthand about having cold feet. My feet were like ice bricks the day of my wedding. But all that melted away as soon as I saw my bride. I’m not saying you should marry someone when you feel like it will be a mistake. Not at all. But you knew deep down it was a mistake before you put the down payment on the reception hall. Just saying….

Not saying anything at all, but showing – the age of the internet, Facebook, Myspace, and all the other social networking places that people give their friends, and alike a glimpse into their life. You find out that not only have you been de-friended, but there are pictures of your girlfriend with some other chick in a compromising position. What a blow! Yes, you showed her and the world that you’ve moved on, but just be “nice” enough, mature enough, to actually break up first. Don’t ya think she deserves that much?

Here are my top ways not to break up with someone. I’m sure there are more horrible ways out there. Share your horror stories!


Until next time,


  • Nicety Girl 5 years ago

    Love it!!! Even though it seem like there's never a good time to break-up. So let's just stay together. Oh and BTW... The Not saying nothing at all, but showing it. That scenario happened to me and I was so p'ed off, embarrassed, angry, and a whole bunch of other terrible emotions. Oh well life goes on and I survived.

  • E...Dubb.. 5 years ago

    Wow. Love it... but saddddddly, I am guilty of the text message break up! I was going to defend it by saying that I tried to call...but the voice mail one is just as bad. Shame on me.

  • Adrienne (ARB'y) 5 years ago

    I'm guilty of the on the holiday break up (Thanksgiving) guess you can call it bad timing but I had to do what I had to do. I guess I wasn't really thinking about HER feelings at all as to my own feelings. Guess I was selfish..Ah well life goes on!! Great article Tye!

  • ButchAndrogyne 4 years ago

    Ugh.. "or God forbid, your anniversary"... That one applies to me. Granted, I wasn't the one who broke it off.
    Worst day of my life.
    "Good morning baby!... We... need to take a break."
    Wait. What?

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