"The President has picked-up the emergency Google-phone and called in the A-team."
The Obamacare rollout last month has been a bungled disaster due to a lack of planning, testing, and in general, a poorly designed website at Healthcare.gov. It seemed as if the right-hand wasn't talking to the left-hand—or if they were, they were speaking a different sign language. Multiple IT contractors were hired at the bargain basement price of $250 million but no one was in charge to oversee and coordinate—and without any business-like accountability, the massive weight of the thing toppled it over. Millions tried to log-on but Healthcare.gov kept sayin', “No, no, no.”
The latest revelations embarrassingly show the White House was duly warned. Three years ago, a trusted consultant issued a dire prognostication. David Cutler wrote Larry Summers, Obama’s top economic advisor, cautioning that the necessary ‘startup’ business experience wasn't in place to effectively implement the 2000-page law. Evidently, Cutler’s advice didn't make the cut. Perhaps Obama was a little gun-shy in deploying yet another Czar after being endlessly harangued by Glenn Beck—but what was wrong with that? Van Jones is on CNN now isn’t he?
Admittedly, the launch of Healthcare.gov was a gargantuan task—but the bungled rollout is especially ironic for Obama considering the importance to his legacy and the fact his presidential campaign featured the most effectively deployed social media innovations ever seen in politics—ever.
Moving forward, the White House has now issued a pledge that by the end of November Healthcare.gov will be "running smoothly"—and to accomplish this, the President has picked-up the emergency Google-phone and called in the "A-team."
Engineers from Google will be helping to fix the mess that is Healthcare.gov—and as John Stewart says—that’s a good thing. Google has the experience in successfully rolling-out products as ambitious as Healthcare.gov (just blink your eyes and try not to think about Google+).
In fact, after speaking with a well-placed health care advocacy expert—who wishes to remain anonymous—there’s a rumor that Google actually anticipated their upcoming role in saving Obama’s legislative cornerstone. The Silicon Valley giant is, of course, accustomed to out-of-the-box solutions and a few months back quite surreptitiously began a black-op project which is now poised for unveiling.
Deep in the bowels of one of internet firm’s top-secret think-tanks, several socio-economic game simulations were engaged powered by the kind of computational power only a powerhouse like Google could muster. What was determined was that if a large percentage of the American people were unwilling to uplift society by participating in a national risk pool, the promise of untold riches after an afternoon of Texas hold-em’ might just do the trick. Consequently, the solution was rushed into production. The mysterious floating Google-barges you may have heard about are actually hybrid riverboat casinos / Googlecare hospitals designed to tour the nation’s coasts, rivers and aquatic byways providing health care, doctors and services to the American people. Further, casino profits will actually help pay for health care cost overruns. There’s even a plan to allow players to place bets on death panels.
An unnamed Google-exec proclaimed, "You see, greed is good—Gordon Gekko was right."
It’s the kind of innovation that we have come to expect from a company like Google, whose pithy corporate motto reflects this new paradigm of simplicity and import: “Don’t be evil.”
Get ready to visit a riverboat Googlecare-Casino coming to your hometown soon!