Friday night's episode of "Fashion Police" starring Joan Rivers, and her entourage, Kelly Osbourne, George Kotsiopoulos and with Giuliana Rancic traveling this week, her daughter Melissa Rivers got to critique the best and worst of the Oscars.
The five "Must-See Looks of the Week" began in descending order, with Ashley Olson in a Chewbacca-like furry coat and as Joan said, is responsible for more dead animals than Michael Vick. Florence Welch was in a strange blue and black floral; Joan said it was like Larry King's penis, no matter what one could do; it will not work or like hernia surgery where they took an ugly sack and sewed some mesh onto it. Next up were Cher and Fergie together in leather and fur. Cher was wearing head-to-toe crocodile and a huge fur hat, Fergie had a fur jacket and leather pants. Joan said more dead animals than you would find in the trunk of Gary Busey's car. With Cher wearing old leathery crocodile hide; it is too on-the-nose! Next was Nicole Ritchie in a mish-mash of a velvet gown. Too many brown folds and wrinkles, which Joan has not seen since she helped Jennifer Hudson into her Spanx. The number-one look of the week was Justin Bieber wearing clothes circa "Fresh Prince of Bel Air," with purple pants that look like he poopped himself.
The next segment was "They're Sexy and They Know It" featuring Jennifer Lopez in a shiny outfit with outrageous shoes; which Joan said were the worst things to happen to feet since Type 2 Diabetes. Joan also said her dress was shinier than her film career. Next was Taylor Swift at the Brit Awards in London. She looked super grown up in an elegant black gown. Joan said it looks like she got a visit from the "boob fairy." Next was Jennifer Lawrence in a beautiful black dress with handkerchief hem but showing too much side-boob.
Next guest was Dennis Pitta, from the Super Bowl champion Baltimore Ravens. Joan asked him how it felt to open for Beyonce? Although his is married, Dennis stayed for the "Rack Report." First up, JWoww, who Joan commented that she has done so much for Hurricane Sandy, and her motto is; "I should be the only trash you see on the Boardwalk." Joan said that what she was wearing revealed the scar from her surgery. George said that side boob was not good for greatly augmented breasts that look like they could burst. Dennis said his pregnant wife is standing close by, but she is showing too much. Kelly agreed, Melissa said it was nasty.
In keeping with the sporting theme, Georgina Bloomberg joined the panel. She is an equestrian and daughter of NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg. Joan said that she lived in New York and would it kill her to fix a few parking tickets for her? She mentioned that she had also broken nearly every bone in her body at least once. Although Georgina is a nice person, Joan implored her to stay around for "Bitch Stole My Look" for Rhianna versus Jessica Alba in a varsity jacket. Joan said a Letterman jacket is much funnier than a Leno. The opinion was Jessica looked better than Rhianna, because Joan said there were no blood stains on hers.
Joan introduced the month-long countdown of the "Sweet 16 Most Stylish Athletes." At #16 was soccer star Christiano Ronaldo, who plays for Real Madrid. Number 15 was Danica Patrick, who looked great in her racing duds and awesome at her fashionably feminine red carpet events. At #14 was New York Knicks player Amare Stoudemire. Joan pointed out that he is a black Jew, and it is against their religion to put hot sauce on a matzo ball. He is a straight guy who is fashionable without looking clownish. At #13 was skier Lindsey Vonn. She is sexy without being trashy. She is the All-American girl who is strong enough to compete with men's skis, yet aware of her muscular and well-proportioned frame.
As they ran out of time on this episode of "Fashion Police," Joan sent viewers to the website to check out the rest of the show.