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Dealing with men who have anger problems



Men all can have that rush of adrenaline that sometimes makes them lash out.  Most are born with an overwhelming amount of testosterone, which society blames for their anger issues. But in a relationship, how do women deal when their guys anger goes overboard? I'm not talking about anger issues that lead to him physically or emotionally abusing you (if that is the case, get out of that relationship fast).  I'm talking about the type of guy that constantly snaps at you.  The guy that if one minor thing in his daily life changes for the worse, it ruins his whole mood, and of course, it is his partners fault. The guy who is criticizing your every move and blaming things on you that are entirely not your fault. Sounds horrible right? On the contrary, a good amount of women (31%) stay in relationships like these.  Why?  The typical response is that most of the time (other than when he is angry) the relationship is great.  The other most common response was that they believed it was just a phase the men were going through and that they would eventually grow out of it.

One of the major problems for angry men is the damage that is done to their relationship with their partners.  Often they feel riddled with guilt over things they have done to the people they love the most. Many of these relationships are filled with drama, crisis, and conflict.  Here are the common issues that men with anger problems face in their relationship with women.

Lack of intimacy: To feel intimate with someone you have to be able to trust them.  To be trustworthy, you have to be predictable.  Angry men are not very predictable.  Women will find it difficult to relax and be intimate with this type of man because they do not know if suddenly you will change and become angry or start criticizing them.

Controlling behavior: Often, angry men will want to decide what a woman can and can't do, who she can see and where she can go.  This is abusive behavior.  Being controlling will cause a lot of problems in relationships.  Why do men do this?  They mistakenly believe that by trying to control others, they will not lose control themselves.  This is actually one of the key thought distortions that anger management classes teach. 

Blaming and criticism: Angry men lash out at others in an attempt to avoid facing their real feelings and taking responsibility for their lives.  Normally, this is an unconscious action.  They had a bad day t work and instead of coming home and telling you that, they criticize you for not having the dishes done or the dinner you made was not quite what they were looking for. 

Often, men do not have the ability to manage feelings of grief, sadness, or anxiety.  Being angry is more acceptable for men in our society then any other type of emotion.  So, what can women dating angry men do? First off, like mentioned above, if his anger gets so out of control that it causes him to lash out at your physically or he emotionally abuses you, get out of the relationship as fast as possible.  If it hasn't gotten to that level, try being honest and talking truthfully to them.  Explain to them how his anger affects you and makes you feel, he might be completely oblivious to the fact.  Once he is made aware, hopefully he will try harder in the future to control his anger around you and consciously decrease his blaming/criticizing.  If this too fails, women in this type of relationship really have to think about their future.  Can they deal with (and be happy) with a man who always yells at her because she doesn't know how to parallel park? Or is this something that they can look past and still be content in this type of relationship.