‘Cosmopolis’ fails, ‘Looper’ flounders and ‘Bliss’ fizzles on DVD

Among the movies that became available Monday, Dec. 31 on Blu-ray and DVD at retail stores and rental outlets throughout the Valley are a drama starring “Twilight” star Robert Pattinson, a sci-fi thriller in which Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays Bruce Willis and vice versa and a dramedy starring “Dexter” star Michael C. Hall.

'Cosmopolis'

Robert Pattinson plays a 28-year-old billionaire asset manager whose day devolves into an odyssey with a cast of characters that start to tear his world apart while riding across Manhattan in a stretch limo in order to get a haircut. (R – 108 minutes)

“Cosmopolis” is one of the worst movies I have ever had the misfortune to endure. The new futuristic drama from writer/director David Cronenberg is so bad that there was not a single, solitary moment of it that went by when I was thinking about anything other than leaving the theater and running as far as I possibly could from it. The motion picture is pretentious and hollow, confusing viewers with a parade of meaningless monologues from actors who should have known better than to participate in this monotonous nonsense. (Grade: F)

'Looper'

Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays a hired gun who mops up messes for the mob by assassinating targets that are sent 30 years back in time until his future self (Bruce Willis) suddenly shows up as one of said targets. (R – 118 minutes)

Had the editor of writer/director Rian Johnson's new science-fiction thriller “Looper” simply hit a button that literally “looped” the first half of the film in place of the second half, it may have actually been a better movie. After all, the first half has heaps of style whereas the second half has actress Emily Blunt struggling – unsuccessfully, might I add – to maintain a southern accent. Granted, the flick is well-made and will probably satisfy fans of the genre but the majority of moviegoers will be left looking for something with a much more consistent level of entertainment. (Grade: C)

'The Trouble with Bliss'

Michael C. Hall plays a guy in his mid-thirties who watches as his life comically unravels after he enters into a relationship with the daughter (Brie Larson) of a former high school classmate (Brad William Henke). Chris Messina, Lucy Liu and Peter Fonda also star. (PG-13 - 97 minutes)

“The Trouble with Bliss” may move along at a leisurely pace and fizzle out during its finale but it is entertaining nonetheless. The reason for this is the same thing that motivates the protagonist in Michael Knowles' new dramedy to remain in his cycle of motionlessness. Slowly but surely, said protagonist accrues enough conflicts in his life to essentially be categorized as a walking train-wreck. He is amused, as are we. However, his fortune is our misfortune as it all ends with more of a clink than a bang. (Grade: C)