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Cop fails drug test due to cocaine in his sex cream

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A police officer in Miami Beach was rehired yesterday after it was revealed that his sex cream was the reason he was fired. Reinaldo Casas was fired in February 2013 after testing positive for cocaine during a drug screening.

“Having never knowingly used cocaine, I was baffled, perplexed and confused as to how these results could be possible,” Casas wrote in a union grievance he filed days after his termination, according to The Miami Herald. Finally, he was able to figure out that it was from a sexual cream he got from a friend.

Apparently he bought the cream from “an old Cuban guy,” which totally doesn’t sound sketchy and shows incredible judgment skills on the part of the homicide detective. He was awarded his job back despite the city expressing disbelief throughout the case. The cream was tested and did test positive for cocaine, which may explain why it was an effective sex cream.

Casas will be fully reinstated and receive back pay, despite his questionable history with the department. According the the Miami New Times he routinely misses court appearances, offers conflicting statements, abuses sick time, and displays gross negligence. Add to that the judgment skills of a pre-pubescent teenager, and you have yourselves detective material in Miami Beach, apparently.

“In any event, as a police officer, Casas should have been aware of what he was putting into his body,” said the city, arguing against his reinstatement before an arbitration panel. It truly does defy logic that a detective, someone who’s deductive reasoning skills are theoretically better than most, would buy unmarked lubricant from someone he doesn’t know, then slather his genitals with it.

No word on whether the “old Cuban guy” will be tracked down and charged with taking advantage of knucklehead cops. One thing is almost certain, however; Detective Casas will not likely be buying any black market sex creams for awhile.

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