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Cleopatra's Top 10 Love, Sex, Relationship Secrets: Sexy Historical Lessons from Cleopatra (VIDEO)

Cleopatra's Top 10 Love, Sex and Relationship Secrets: Sexy Historical Lessons from Cleopatra; Video below.

Today's Kiss and Tell Report.

"Rome, I’m a let you finish but Egypt was clearly the greatest civilization of all time."

Angelina Jolie is set to join Elizabeth Taylor in the club of the least Egyptian woman to play Cleopatra. Hmmm. I'll just grab Tamara Dobson playing Cleopatra Jones on Netflix again.

What can we learn from Cleopatra, the legendary last Queen of Egypt? Yeah, she married her brothers but incest aside this historical enchantress and ancient politician must surely hold love and sex secrets that we can benefit from. We know that you may be impressed by the scientific, architectural and mathematical wonders of the ancient world but here’s news you can use right now.

1. Looks Aren’t Everything.
Historians suggest that despite her power Cleopatra was not regarded as a great beauty. Nonetheless this allegedly "average beauty" is regarded her as a gorgeous temptress.

2. Make A Bold Entrance. BYORC - Bring Your Own Red Carpet.
The buzz is that Cleopatra wrapped herself up in a carpet to be delivered to her future man, Caesar. Research says that it was actually bed linens that she hid in. Either way Cleopatra had herself delivered to Caesar as a gift and seduced him. Love lesson: be proactive; go for what you want.

3. Pamper Yourself. Beauty wasn’t built in a day. Being sexy is feeling sexy.
When it came to maintaining her soft skin and queenly glow Cleopatra was certainly no slouch. Her kohl eyeliner, honey and milk baths and pure gold baubles are still copied to this day.

4. Masturbation is Productive.
The ancient Egyptians had several creation myths. One favorite features the first deity Atum who created other gods and goddesses by spitting semen from his penis while masturbating. No wonder Atum is thought to mean complete or finish.

4. Satisfy Your Appetite. Feed the Need.
It is said that Cleopatra was called Meriochane meaning meaning she who gapes wide for 10,000 men. There’s a Paris Hilton joke in their somewhere. At any rate Cleopatra earned the name by supposedly giving blow jobs to 100 Roman noblemen in one night, just because she was in the mood. Of course it was the Roman noblemen who spread the mass fellatio story. Ancient Egypt has much in common with modern day high schools.

If this did happen Cleopatra we don’t judge you. We are supremely impressed.

5. Have Nightly Sex If You Can Swing It.
Ok, so maybe the Queen of 100 Blow J*bs thing never happened but orgies were common at the time, and Cleopatra most likely enjoyed nightly sex. Sweet, Cleopatra. Keep the creative juices flowing, so to speak. It’s not easy being queen.

6. Confidence Rules.
Cleopatra was bold with ovaries of steel. She went after what she wanted and took prisoners every time. The ultimate aphrodisiac is confidence. There is nothing sexier.

7. No Matter What Lemons Life Gives You, Party On.
The ancient Egyptian world was the place for revelers. Recent findings have uncovered a Festival of Drunkenness. Musicians, alcohol and orgies amounted to super sex, drugs and rock and roll.

8. Sex Toys are Welcome.
Penis lookalike sex toys are believed to have been used by Egyptians 2500 years ago. D*ldos figured heavily into ceremonies. These early d*ldos were made of stone. Stone penises? Ouch. Anyone prefer bananas?

9. Be the Queen.
You are the mistress of your domain. You may not be the Queen of Egypt but you are the ruler of your life. Act like it, dammit! Nothing wrong with a little domination to have the world submit to you.

10. Don’t Lose Your Self in Your Love.
Cleopatra is said to have committed suicide right after her great lover Mark Anthony did. My dear readers, don’t make an asp of yourself for love.

Get in touch on Twitter, Facebook or my love and lifestyle blog. Watch Abiola on LSD: Love, Sex, Dating and Drama 10-11pm EST on Shovio.com and check out my New York City reading and performance series at Madame X, 94 West Houston Street in New York City.

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