We have all heard some variation of this phrase for years: "Once sex is introduced into a friendship or relationship, things then become 'complicated' between the man and woman involved." Many men and women - and especially women - believe this to be true and valid. And for the most part, it is not.
If sex, and sex only, caused all relationships between a man and a woman to become 'complicated,' then each male client of a street prostitute or professional Call Girl would find themselves in a number of 'complicated' relationships with the women who they are paying money to have sex with. That is rarely if ever the case with professional sex workers. Along the same lines, have you ever heard of a 'complicated' working relationship between an adult film actor and actress in the porn industry? Doubt it.
The only scenario where one could halfway argue that introducing sexual relations into the picture will have a tendency to 'complicate' things between a man and a woman is when the man has one set of long-term and short-term desires, interests and intentions while the woman involved has a totally different set of long-term and short-term desires, interests, and intentions.
The most common example of this would be when a man and a woman start out as 'just friends,' and then two or three months into the 'friendship,' the two find themselves in bed together. The fact that these two just had sex is not what will cause their 'friendship-turned-intimate' to become 'complicated.' The problem is, this man and woman failed to discuss specifics prior to engaging in sexual relations with one another. They both acted impulsively, and now they probably feel a wee bit awkward when thinking about "where do we go from here?"
Imagine if you were an employee at a hospital, and you saw this unfamiliar doctor and unfamiliar nurse just walking around in the hospital looking lost. Finally, you approach them and ask, "May I help you?" One replies, "I just graduated from medical school, and I figured I'd just come to my local hospital and start work today." Uhm ... no. Things do not work that way in the health care field. The other replies, "I just graduated from nursing school, and my best friend works here, so I made the decision to go ahead and start work here today." Uhm ... no. Again, employment opportunities with physicians and nurses do not just unfold like this.
Let us examine an even more realistic example. Imagine if you went into a nice restaurant, and one of the waiters approached you and asked, "So ... what are you in the mood for?" And you replied, "I am very hungry. I just want some food." The waiter asked, "Well, for starters, what do you have a taste for? Beef? Chicken? Seafood?" to which you replied, "Again, I am starving. I just want some food in my stomach." Things would probably become ... 'complicated' ... in the restaurant until you decided to become more specific about what type of food you wanted to eat.
Rarely is any interaction between two human beings 'complicated' when the two people involved know exactly what they want from each other, and this holds true in the world of dating and relationships.
If "Brian" meets "Linda," and the two just sort of 'hang out' for a few days or a few weeks, and then all of the sudden, Brian says to Linda, "I would like to engage in a 'friends-with-benefits' relationship with you Linda until one of us finds ourselves in a long-term monogamous relationship with someone else...," what would be 'complicated' about his proposal? That type of proposal is straight-to-the-point and very easy to understand. No room for misinterpretation.
Some might argue, "Well what if Brian gets jealous if he finds out that Linda had sex with some man other than him?" Then that would be Brian's problem, and Brian's problem alone. A man cannot enter into a 'friends-with-benefits' relationship with a woman if he knows that he has problems with jealousy and possessiveness. It is really that simple. Same principle applies to women.
"Well, what if Linda 'catches feelings' and starts becoming emotionally attached to Brian?" Same general response. A professional athlete knows when he enters into the National Football League (NFL) or National Basketball Association (NBA) that he is probably going to develop some tight-knit friendships with many of his teammates. He also knows that there is a high likelihood that he might be traded to another team at the drop of a dime.
Same principle applies to women and relationships. Any relationship (even including marriage) has a fifty percent chance or greater of ending abruptly without any warning or telltale signs. A woman's 'boyfriend-girlfriend' relationship with a man can be rock solid during the last two weeks of August, but come the second or third week of September, that man could run into his ex-girlfriend from three years ago, and the next thing the woman knows, her boyfriend of eighteen months simply says, "Hey ... I realized that I am still in love with my ex-girlfriend. Sorry. Okay ... take care." What can she do ... sue him?
Romantic relationships are not complicated until we as human beings make them become more 'complicated.' Same with so-called 'friendships' between single men and women.
Every man and woman involved in any type of relationship ... platonic, romantic, or purely sexual ... should have at least one conversation amongst themselves where they specifically spell out what they want from each other. The more specific and detailed you are with members of the opposite sex about your long-term and short-term needs, desires, interests, and intentions ... the less 'drama' and 'complications' you will experience with them in the long-run.
Sex? Or no sex? Do not ever start a platonic friendship with a member of the opposite sex ASSUMING that this person does not want sex from you. Make them specifically tell you that they have no interest in the friendship transitioning from a purely platonic relationship to one with sexual undertones.
Monogamous sexual relationship ... or 'open' (non-monogamous) sexual relationship? Again ... never ASSUME what your partner is down for. Make them specifically tell you what type of (sexual) relationship it is they want from you. Even if they are lying through their teeth. At least if they cheat on you in the future, you can throw it in their face that they said at one point that they wanted a 'committed' relationship, and you did nothing but take them on their word.
Long-term and indefinite ... or 'casual fun' for a short, specified period of time? Some men and women believe that a man and a woman should just 'play things by ear.' Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Referring back to my analogies about professional athletes, do you know of any sports agent who just allows their clients to participate in team activities, and simply 'play things by ear?' Heck no. Any contract between a professional athlete and a sports team owner is very specific, and in particular, in regards to how long the contract is valid. Some athletes have a one-year or two-year contract, while others have a five or six-year contract.
If you as a man know that you are only interested in having sex with a woman for one-night, one weekend, or one or two months, you should express that to the woman before you and the woman even think about exchanging orgasms together. Otherwise, you are asking for potential 'drama' and 'complications' to arise between you and your sex partner.
Being vague and ambiguous with people is representative of ineffective interpersonal communication skills. No matter how polite you are, how articulate you are, how caring and empathetic you are ... if you express your needs, desires, interests, and intentions to others in a manner that is very vague and ambiguous, this means you are simply not a good communicator.
Have you ever visited a grocery store and asked one of the employees, "I want to buy some good-tasting food. What aisle is the good-tasting food in?" Of course not. You would be drug-tested on the spot. The vast majority of people have a 'grocery list' written down (or in their heads) of very specific types of food they want to purchase. In return, the store owner has specific prices on the food items the customers plan on purchasing. Imagine if there were no price tags on food items, and you selected a number of food items ... and the cashier said, "Okay Sir / Mam, that will be $989.32."
Could you validly complain about your purchase total if there were no price tags? No ... you could not. You would either have to pay the amount the cashier announced ... or you would have to leave all of the food items there at the store. Either, or.
Thank goodness for price tags in grocery stores, huh?
Bottom line, sex between a man and a woman does not automatically make any relationship become 'complicated.'
Dishonest behavior, disingenuous behavior, misleading and manipulative behavior, as well as a vague and ambiguous style of interpersonal communication is what will cause any relationship you have with anyone - male or female - to become undoubtedly 'complicated.'
Choose to make your relationships simple and easy to manage.
Alan Roger Currie is the author of a number of books, including Mode One: Let the Women Know What You're REALLY Thinking and Oooooh . . . Say it Again: Mastering the Fine Art of Verbal Seduction and Aural Sex. Currie's latest eBook, The Possibility of Sex: How Naive and Lustful Men are Manipulated by Women Regularly is also available exclusively on Amazon.com in their Kindle format. You can also download a copy of Currie's eBook on your iPhone, Android Smartphone, or other Smartphone. Starting with Monday, August 4, 2014, you might be eligible to download a FREE copy of the audiobook version of 'Mode One' on Audible.com. CLICK HERE for more details.
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