Will we be getting a nude Jenna Jameson in the upcoming Rush Limbaugh biopic?
In a stunning crossover that will surely thrill and delight men, women, and children the world over, Examiner.com's Comedy Examiner and Examiner.com's Howard Stern Examiner have joined forces to bring you this article, a two-part series listing out the top ten scenes from Howard Stern's Private Parts that we'd like to see represented in the just-announced Rush Limbaugh biopic. In case you hadn't heard, Hollywood is currently working on bringing the life of radio shock jock Rush Limbaugh to movie theaters all over the world (because, well, someone demanded it). Producers for the film have described it as "Private Parts meets Citizen Kane", a description that-- once you start laughing-- causes the mind to whirl with the possibilities. What sort of scenes from Private Parts need to be duplicated in the Rush Limbaugh biopic? The Comedy Examiner and the Howard Stern Examiner have some good ideas. Read on for the baiting of Rush Limbaugh fans everywhere, my gentle Examiner readers...
For awhile now, Examiner.com's Howard Stern Examiner and I have been keeping our eyes peeled for a project we felt we could collaborate on. Today, we bring you that project. Last week, it was announced that someone had done way too much cocaine and decided that what people really wanted to see was a biopic based on the life of shock-jock (can we even call him that anymore?) Rush Limbaugh. Once the announcement was made, producers involved with the production announced that the film would be something akin to "Private Parts meets Citizen Kane", which indicates that this producer has seen neither film.
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At any rate, it got us to thinking: what scenes from Private Parts could we see mirrored in a Rush Limbaugh biopic that might convince us to buy a ticket? The Howard Stern Examiner and myself holed up in a cheap motel with a crate of vodka, a case of Redbull, and a battered copy of Private Parts on VHS to comb through the film to find only the best examples of what we'd like to see duplicated. I've got my wish list below, and you can head on over to the Howard Stern Examiner's page to see the rest once they're published. With that in mind, let's get to the list, folks (these are in the order in which they appear in the film):
1. FARTMAN AT THE MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS: In Private Parts, Howard Stern kicks the film off with his disastrous appearance at the MTV Video Music Awards in-character as "Fartman", a superhero clad in leather chaps and, well, not much else. The performance is a disaster, and everyone feels kinda weirded out.
...IN THE RUSH LIMBAUGH BIOPIC: Rush Limbaugh kicks off the film with his disastrous appearance at the Republican National Convention in-character as "Viagraman", a superhero clad in leather chaps and, well, not much else whose primary weapon-- used against the Liberal media bias and phonies like Michael J. Fox-- is his engorged, Viagra-fueled package. The performance is a disaster, and everyone feels kinda weirded out.
2. HOWARD'S PARENTS AREN'T AMUSED TO HEAR HIM WANTING TO GO INTO RADIO: In Private Parts, Howard Stern's dad works in radio in NYC, but when Howard announces that he'd like to get into the same business, his folks are not amused. Eventually, they relent and allow him to follow his dream.
...IN THE RUSH LIMBAUGH BIOPIC: Rush Limbaugh's always loved the radio, because it gives him a way to interact with others without having to, y'know, actually engage them physically. When he announces to his parents that he wants to get into radio, they are overjoyed: now, finally, Rush will get out of the house. Also, it's a new hobby that might finally mark the end of his "hanging around playgrounds" phase.
3. HOWARD STERN GOES TO A PRIMARILY BLACK HIGH SCHOOL: In Private Parts, Howard Stern reveals that he went to a predominantly black high school, and then he felt ostracized by being one of the few white students there. Obviously, Howard had no hang-ups about associating with those with differently-colored skin, and he moved on to hire Robin Quivers-- a young, successful black woman-- as his primary sidekick.
...IN THE RUSH LIMBAUGH BIOPIC: Rush has never met a black person in real life.
4. HOWARD MARRIES HIS COLLEGE SWEETHEART (AWWWW): In Private Parts, Howard Stern meets Allison in college, immediately falls in love with her, and marries her shortly thereafter. Years later, they'll engage in a messy divorce that troubles Howard to no end.
...IN THE RUSH LIMBAUGH BIOPIC: Rush Limbaugh marries the first mail-order bride that he can successfully teach to say "I Do", only to divorce her minutes later. This marks the beginning of Rush's patented "Marry-'em-and-Divorce-'em" maneuver, a move that only Billy Bob Thornton has been able to copy with any degree of success. When the Rush Limbaugh biopic hits theaters, Rush is on his 17th wife.
5. HOWARD FIGURES OUT THE KEY TO MAINTAINING AN AUDIENCE: In Private Parts, Howard Stern has the sudden realization that the best way to keep and build an audience is to just be honest with them. Despite the fact that he reveals highly personal things that others might never admit to in public, he sees that this form of radio is, in fact, the way of the future (the way of the future...the way of the future)(Get out of here, DiCaprio!).
...IN THE RUSH LIMBAUGH BIOPIC: Rush Limbaugh has the sudden realization that the best way to keep and maintain an audience is to just exaggerate and bloviate his way through ever statement. Despite the fact that virtually everything he says can be categorized as hyperbole or paranoid delusions, he sees that this form of radio is, in fact, the way of the future.
Well, that does it for part one of our epic comedy crossover. The Howard Stern Examiner is currently hard at work on bringing you numbers six through ten finished, and here's the final product: Head on over to read parts 6-10 right now! Feel free to provide your own suggestions for scenes from Private Parts that you'd like to see duplicated in the Rush Limbaugh biopic below in the comments section. Once you've done that, hit the "Subscribe" button up top to get all future Comedy Examiner articles delivered straight to your email, free of charge, the moment they're published. As if that's not enough, we've also got some other recent Comedy Examiner articles for ya while you're here:
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(photos: top--millionaireplayboy.com, rushtop--sportsbusinessdigest.com, rushmiddle-- rcrawford79.wordpress.com, fartman--mtv.com, rushbottom--commentariesonthetimes.files.wordpress.com, highschool--wel-metcamps.com, howard--gossiponthis.com, bottom--radio.about.com)
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