Crooner warns of the ‘new order of Armageddon’

Wholesome crooner Pat Boone has gone from “Love Letters in the Sand” to lines in the sand, judging by his appearance Wednesday at the Heritage Foundation.

The soul-singer-turned-conservative-evangelist was in town to promote his book, “Pat Boone’s America,” as well as the agenda of the 60 Plus Association, the free market alternative to AARP.

Boone began with a jovial anecdote from his glory days, when Elvis Presley opened for him as an unknown performer who was too shy to even speak to Boone. Boone doubted that the singer would skyrocket to fame the way he did and referred to him as a southern hillbilly. But after Elvis’ career took off, Boone steered toward a life of Hollywood conservatism and lunches with Jerry Falwell.

After warning of the “new order of Armageddon,” he delineated his vision of the new revolution. Referring to the Supreme Court justices, he said, “We need a new Boston Tea Party, only this time let’s not waste good tea — let’s heap a bunch of black robes into the harbor. It won’t hurt the robes. They can swim out and they can re-enroll in Constitution 101.”

Boone’s speech took a somber turn when discussing the malaise and apathy of today’s youth. Tears began to fall as Boone lamented: “It grieves me the way young entertainers are deriding our leaders.”

Boone’s “Moody River” continued, as he castigated Simon Cowell of “American Idol” for lacking compassion and denounced the desecration of the American flag, saying “You deface a dollar bill and it’s illegal, but I can defecate on this flag, as many have, and that’s OK.”

Finally, noting that there were songs written for the Army, Air Force, Marines and Coast Guard, but none for the National Guard, Boone said he took the chore upon himself, penning “For Our Country: The Ballad of the National Guard.” He said, “Bruce Springsteen didn’t do it. Nelly, Eminem and Diddy and Piddy and Poopy and whoever the other rappers are didn’t — so I did.” And then he sang it.

Kinks in the diplomatic links

The State Department uses diplomacy to connect and link the objectives and priorities of various countries.

But try connecting to those countries via the links provided on the State Department’s Web site, and you might find yourself lost in a cyberspace quagmire that would make six-party talks on the North Korean missile crisis seem like a walk in the park.

At the State Department’s “Web Site and E-Mail Addresses of Embassies” (www.state.gov/s/cpr/rls/dpl/32122.htm), the following links are broken, expired or nonexistent: Azerbaijan, Bangladesh, Benin, Bulgaria, Cambodia, Denmark, Ecuador, Equatorial Guinea, Fiji, Gabon, Guatemala, Guinea, India, Italy, Korea, Macedonia, Malawi, Malta, Saudi Arabia, Singapore, Turkmenistan and Uruguay.

Looking for a hot date this Saturday? Rwanda’s page offers you links to local singles, cheap flights and cultural ringtones so you can plan a weekend rendezvous with convenience. Curious about your past? Pakistan’s link steers you toward info on Pakistani genealogy or cheap travel arrangements.

But perhaps the oddest link is that of Argentina. Its link sends you to a Web page with a fairy tale that begins, “She was seized with a whim and insisted on his coming to her one night clad in his magnificent chamberlain’s costume.”

¡Ay, caramba!

Model for Will Smith film talks to D.C. kids

Local kids and adults alike didn’t quite get to hang with Will Smith on Wednesday, but they might have gotten the next best thing. Christopher Gardner, the homeless man turned self-made millionaire who Smith plays in the upcoming film “The Pursuit of Happyness.” Gardner spent the day in D.C. for two separate screenings of the movie at the Georgetown Loews.

The first, for students of Suitland and Eastern high schools, preceded a Q&A with the kids and Gardner. The second preceded an evening reception at Maté with guests such as Rep. Al Wynn, D-Md., D.C. Council Member Kwame Brown and National Education Association President Reg Weaver (Gardner is an NEA Foundation board member).

The lesson of the movie, and of the book released earlier this year by the same name, is that “the cavalry ain’t coming,” said Gardner, who heads Chicago-based brokerage firm Gardner Rich & Co. “You’ve got to do this yourself. How would you like to be one of those families in Louisiana or Mississippi waiting for FEMA to arrive?”

He confessed to plenty of disdain for politicians but said he was thrilled to come to D.C. because “Washington and Baltimore got behind this book like no one else from the very beginning.”

As for the film, he told Yeas & Nays that he couldn’t be happier with the result. “Will Smith played Chris Gardner better than Chris Gardner played Chris Gardner,” he said. “Got paid better, too.”

Think tank

“Mitt Romney will run his campaign from a waterfront building in Boston’s North End. From where should John McCain run his?”

“Anywhere EXCEPT Washington. Voters hate Washington and anything that goes on in Washington. Do it where REAL people live. How about his hometown, Phoenix, Arizona?”

– Ron Nessen, The Brookings Institution

“Oh wait, did the Straight Talk Express get a flat or something?”

– Martin Austermuhle, DCist.com

“Given his newfound love for the GOP’s evangelical wing, Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University seems as good a place as any.”

– Alexander Dryer, The New Yorker

Ericka Andersen and Andrew White contributed to this page.