‘Rep. Moore’ sticks it to voters

Regular readers of the satirical Web site The Onion might have been a bit surprised to see a snarky article titled “People Always Hate Politicians Until They Need One” authored by Rep. Dennis Moore, D-Kan. After all, most politicians wouldn’t want their writings published on a site with such fabricated articles as “CNN Renews ‘This Week At War’ For Next Eight Seasons” and “Chicago Rolls Out Cold-Weather Prostitutes.”

A sample: “Next time you need to know when your stretch of interstate is going to be renamed, or whether your grandfather’s house will ever be listed on the National Register of Historic Places, take a second to stop and think about me. About how I feel when I pick up the phone any time, day or night, to hear about how you’re concerned that the video games your kids are playing are making them act out in school and you want a new law requiring children under age 14 to bring signed permission from their parents when purchasing certain titles. Why don’t you try asking me how my kids are?”

Well, it turns out that The Onion staff, and not Moore, wrote the piece (The Onion didn’t even contact Moore about it). And how did Moore react to the piece? With a touch of his own funny bone.

“After the Kansas City Star refused to publish ‘my’ writing, calling it mean-spirited and bitter, it was hard to go on,” Moore told Yeas & Nays. “But, as any good writer knows, rejection is part of the job. So, I kept plugging away and was overjoyed to learn that The Onion would be running ‘my’ op-ed prominently on their Web site. Finally, ‘my’ voice is being heard.

“Seriously, though,” Moore continued, “I think it’s important to find a little humor and not take ourselves too seriously. Satire is some of my favorite humor.”

This Onion-Washington connection might soon not be so strange: Yeas & Nays has heard from several sources that The Onion is considering opening up a D.C. office.

After all, politics makes for easy parody.

Putnam: I will carry Cantor’s bags

Amid a party for a party on the outs earlier this month, Rep. Adam Putnam, R-Fla., may have been alone in finding a reason to be magnanimous. After all, he had just come off a big win, whereas many of his colleagues were still absorbing the shock of losing.

Republican members and staffers were holding the last of their Friday parties on the Speaker’s balcony when in walked Putnam, who had just been elected chairman of the Republican Conference for the next Congress.

A staffer from the office of chief deputy whip Eric Cantor, R-Va., soon introduced himself to Putnam, at which point Putnam exclaimed, “Your boss is a rock star.”

According to our spy, the staffer replied that no, it was Putnam who was the rock star, thanks to his win.

Putnam then called Cantor “a great wingman” and gave him loads of credit for his victory. He said, “After what he did for me today, I would just be happy to carry his bags for him.”

Texas tycoon bankrolls anti-Hillary effort

As a Texas entrepreneur, Dick Collins says he has “made and lost money every way you can.”

The latest venture for the investor and scion of a notably political Texas family is preventing Hillary Clinton from winning the White House in 2008.

He’s kicked in the lion’s share of $250,000 in seed money to launch www.stophernow.com.

“What we’re trying to do is develop a grassroots effort to define Hillary Clinton as a liberal, out-of-the-mainstream Democrat,” Collins told Yeas & Nays on Monday. “We want to achieve [that] objective not with anger, but with a smile.”

To that end, the site includes Hillary-specific news links, a joke of the day and a cartoon of the day, and will soon add blogs.

But the coup de grace for now is a bit of Flash animation entitled “The Hillary Show,” which has a Joan Rivers-esque Hillary interviewing John Kerry and Howard Dean.

Leftover yard work for Allen

How much is a campaign yard sign from a defeated senator worth to you? If you said $19.99, then you may want to head to eBay today. That’s the “Buy It Now” price for a George Allen sign, although it may be had for as little as $9.99 at auction. The auction ends today, though, so log on quickly and don’t all bid at once.

The price for Allen’s memorabilia — there’s also a ballcap at $19.99 — tops all other losing candidates. Bidding for posters touting Kinky Friedman for governor of Texas begins at $5, while pins for unsuccessful Democratic Senate candidates Jim Pederson of Arizona and Maryland’s own Allan Litchtman and Kweisi Mfume start at 99 cents.

A set of three Hillary Clinton buttons can be yours for an opening bid of $3.99. A steal.

Media mix

Tom McMillen is one of D.C.’s Renaissance men. A former professional basketball player with the Washington Bullets and a former Democratic congressman from Maryland, he’s now chairman of the homeland security company Fortress America as well as one of D.C.’s most sociable men about town. We asked him for his Media Mix last week.

Q: What’s the last movie you saw?

“Casino Royale.”

Q: What book are you reading?

“The Scorpion’s Gate” by Richard Clarke.

Q: What’s the first Web site you check in the morning?

Yahoo! Finance.

Q: What are you listening to on your CD player/iPod?

I haven’t been using my iPod; I listen to WTOP mostly in the car.

Q: What’s your favorite TV show?

“Meet the Press.”