Jeff Dufour and Patrick Gavin cover people, power and politics in the beltway each weekday. Email them at yan@dcexaminer.com .

K Street meets Wisteria Lane

“Desperate Housewives” beauty Eva Longoria not only turned heads Wednesday, she made them rock back with laughter.

The petite actress came to town to give the keynote address at the quarterly Latino Leaders Luncheon Series at the Capitol Hilton.

“Thank you for inviting me to this luncheon … but don’t think of me as today’s featured speaker, think of me as your temporary guest worker,” she opened. “I know some of you may only know about me from what you read in the tabloids. Let me assure you, the tabloids are the second most inaccurate libelous publications in history. First are negative campaign ads.”

She ought to know. The Texas native stumped for John Kerry in 2004 and has worked with the Congressional Hispanic Caucus.

“Can you imagine the TV ads they’d run based on me as Gabrielle?” she continued, referring to her “Desperate” TV character. “In the last two years, I had an affair with a teenager, faked a paternity test, my husband went to prison and I pushed him out a window. OK, so I could win in California.”

Amid her inspirational remarks on Latino advancement, the Texas native continued to draw liberally from the comedians’ toolbox.

On race: “I made TV history by being the first Latina to have a white gardener.”

On sex: “We’re trying to inject more political messages into next season. Every time you see me in lingerie, it’s a message about global warming.”

On politics: “Wisteria Lane appeals across the political spectrum. That’s because everyone on Wisteria Lane makes the money of a Republican and has the sex life of a Democrat.”

On celebrity: “It’s so important that we take care of the unemployed and people who have no place to live ... and I’m not just talking about Kevin Federline.”

Thompson: My character is me

Longtime character actor and former Sen. Fred Thompson still insists he doesn’t do much acting.

His district attorney character on “Law & Order” is “pretty much Fred,” he said Wednesday at a session of the “Q&A Café” at Nathan’s of Georgetown.

“It’s a guy that sits behind a desk and picks up a newspaper and says ‘Do that deal’ or ‘Don’t do that deal.’ That’s a part I’m familiar with.”

Somewhat less familiar was his role as Ulysses Grant in the upcoming HBO miniseries “Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee,” which “Law & Order” honcho Dick Wolf also produced.

“Talk about a challenge — I stayed seated the whole time,” said Thompson. “I got my first beard and my first hair in a long time. I had to drop my accent for a moment.”

Thompson even had some advice for lame-duck members of Congress: “Get your agent all lined up.”

Will McGreevey Make The Show?

By now you may have already heard that former New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey joined Joan Rivers in September for a pilot shoot for the tentatively titled “Joan Rivers’ Straight Talk.” Rivers wants the show to be a gay version of ABC’s “The View” and Bravo is considering whether to pick up the show.

But will political junkies everywhere get to see the former governor get some couch time as a Rivers regular on this show? Bravo is keeping its lips sealed about the show’s prospects. “Only a pilot has been shot and that’s really all we know,” said a spokesperson for Bravo.

But Rivers is super-excited: When a Yeas & Nays operative pressed Rivers during an appearance Tuesday in Charlotte, N.C., Rivers simply shrugged her shoulders and encouraged interested parties to lobby Bravo on the show’s behalf.

At least the office equipment is bipartisan

Before freshman senators move in to their vast, multiroom offices, they must cool their heels in temporary space in the basement of the Dirksen and Hart buildings.

There’s not much natural light there, and it can get awfully cramped. Just ask Rep. Sherrod Brown, D-Ohio, who was recently elected to the Senate. Turns out Brown even has to share his fax machine with Sen.-elect Bob Corker, the Tennessee Republican who is taking over for Bill Frist.

“So I got to be bipartisan right from the start,” Brown joked to reporters this week.

Think tank

“What hazing ritual would you recommend for the 110th Congress’ freshmen?”

“Mark Foley IMs: The Musical” – Danielle Jones, The Hotline

The freshman congressman has to tell a joke about the president and the war in Iraq until he gets a laugh. – Chuck Conconi, Qorvis Communications

Being waterboarded by Mark Foley while listening to secretly recorded conversations between George Allen and Borat. – Ana Marie Cox, Time.com