10 best athletes to play sports

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To celebrate the 4th of July, an authentic slice of Americana, I am celebrating the 10 best athletes who played the sports we love better than nearly all others even though they never turned down a slice of pie.

Due to their shear girth and freakish athletic ability, offensive linemen will not be included on the list.

10. Butter Bean (5-11, 398 pounds , professional boxer/all-around circus sideshow): Gave an Oscar worthy performance in “Jackass: The Movie” when he concussed Johnny Knoxville with several swift blows to the dome. Bonus points for Apollo Creed-esque boxing trunks and for being the prototype for the “manzier.”

9. Fernando Valenzuela (5-11, 220, professional baseball): In 1981, this pitcher won Rookie of the Year, a Cy Young award and single-handedly put three Carl Jr’s out of business in greater Los Angeles. Inner Harbor restaurant profits soared when “Fernandomania” swept Baltimore in 1993.

8. Sebastian Janikowski (6-2, 250, professional football): This kicker enjoys long walks on the beach, DUIs, bribery charges, bar brawls and slipping pills into people’s cocktails. When are the Bengals going to trade for this guy?

7. John Daly (5-11, 283, professional golfer): With two major championships hiding somewhere under his belt, this fan favorite will go Billy Madison on the gallery or U.S. Open officials at the drop of a hat. The fact that he’ll go golfing sans a collared shirt, or with no shirt at all, only adds to the legend. You have to respect his professional approach to the game.

6. John Kruk (5-10, 225, professional baseball): Not only was “Kruky” the inspiration for Foreigner’s classic hit, “Dirty White Boy,” he and his band of Phillies brothers restored faith in the merit of a mullet. Plus, you have to love a man who once said of himself, “I need two hands to haul ass.”

5. Charles Barkley (6-6, 290, professional basketball): The round mound of rebound taught guys like Roberto Alomar the power of saliva. His foot race with NBA referee/fossil Dick Bavetta — now under investigation by David Stern for a possible fix — during halftime of the 2007 All-Star game was one for the ages. Not only does “Chuck Wagon” deal with being big boned, he also has a slight gambling demon to deal with.

4. Cecil Fielder (6-3, 260, professional baseball): This Father of the Year candidate was affectionately known as “Big Daddy” by his MLB teammates. Sadly, he was mistaken for Godzilla during his playing days with the Japan’s Central League Hanshin Tigers. His legacy of beefiness is being carried on by his son Prince, the 5-foot-10, 280-pound Milwaukee Brewers first baseman, who hit a home run against the Orioles that continues to traverse the earth.

3. Tony Gwynn (5-11, 220, professional baseball): Other than being, arguably, the greatest hitter of his era, he talks like Keanu Reeves. That’s what I call batting a thousand. Gwynn loses points for giving the worst speech in Hall of Fame induction history and for looking like a king-sized candy bar in the old, brown Padres uniforms.

2. George Foreman (6-3, 285, professional boxer/infomercial deity): Not only did he compile a 76-5 record over his career, he also named 76 of his children George. At the age of 45, Foreman nailed Michael Moorer with a short right shot to the chin and regained the IBF and WBA titles. Bonus points for ushering in the George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine era.

1. Babe Ruth (6-2, 235ish, professional baseball): A local school-boy hero and small-time degenerate while at St. Mary’s Industrial school, scholars maintain that at one point the Bambino ate all the pork in Pigtown. The man could punish a pelota and polish off a Pollock Johnny’s.

Honorable mention: Ledell Eckles, Floyd “Sugar Bear” Rayford, Craig Stadler, William Perry, J.L. Williams, Mo Vaughn.

Tony Giro is a lifelong Baltimore sports fan who blogs on examiner.com for fans. If you subscribe — it’s free — you’ll be e-mailed each time Tony posts a column. He can be reached at timeout@baltimoreexaminer.com. And yes, he’s still bitter about the Skipjacks and Bullets leaving town.

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