Places to hide from zombies #2 - Metrocenter

Preview of future Metrocenter zombie attack

Thousands of people have visited Metrocenter Mall over the years. Keanu Reeves hung out there in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Topher Grace even works there in his upcoming movie Young Americans. Since it's been such a popular mall for so long, it's probably best to find out how the mall would keep up during a zombie attack.

Metrocenter’s popularity is its biggest fault. The mall is mostly filled with three kinds of people. The first is the valley girl, who “like omg” has to get some shopping done because she does not have enough expensive clothing. The second is the skater kid, who is cutting class to smoke outside in the parking lot and then attempt to ollie with his bros for the next few hours. The last is the guy that only goes to the mall to pick up chicks, even if they are 4 years younger than him. All three of these people have a tendency to spend most of their time at the mall, which, as Dead Rising, the original Dawn of the Dead, and the remake of Dawn of the Dead have shown us, means that as a zombie, they will naturally want to go to the mall. This instinct can create an entire force of zombies, just waiting for a survivor to come.

The pull-down gates that seal the entrance to each individual store work wonders. They can keep all of the zombies out and provide openings just big enough to slash through and slice up the undead. The gates may keep the wandering zombies out of the store, but what about the ones already inside? Every store has that person who’s been employee of the month six months in a row and plans on keeping the streak alive. He shows up an hour before opening to make sure the store is in order, and he doesn’t leave until well after close. When survivors seal themselves into stores, they are sealing the employee of the month in with them, and he is not a happy camper now that you are threatening his store. Defensively, Metrocenter receives a 7.0 out of 10.

From the food court at the entrance located next to Harkins to the Wetzel’s Pretzels on the lower level, the mall is stocked with food. Survivors could eat for months without running out of food. However, when one of those sweet and sour chicken dishes from Jade Express goes bad because it’s so old, where can the food-poisoned people go to get healthy again? There is not a health station or medicine store around, which can be a serious issue during an attack. So, when looking at supplies, Metrocenter gets an 8.5.

There is no lack of communication in Metrocenter. There are more than ten stores and kiosks that sell cell phones, and the bodies of every non-surviving male will have a cell phone in their pocket because they previously wished to score some digits at the mall. Sears and RadioShack have the rest of the electronics covered, so there is no need to worry and no reason that the mall should not be given a 10.0.

Metrocenter is jam-packed with entertainment for anyone who may choose to use this fortress some day. Sports Chalet offers sporting supplies that will turn the entire mall into the greatest miniature golf course the world has ever seen. Harkins has twelve different theaters to watch movies and play video games on; it’s not IMAX, but it still beats the forty-two inch in most living rooms. For those who have no interest in those or the arcade and the playground inside of the mall, just head down to Industrial RideShop on the lower level and live out every skater’s dream of thrashing the inside of Metro. This mall’s non-stop fun earns it a perfect 10.0.

With stores that sell beds, chairs, clothes, and everything else for the home and personal use, how can someone not feel comfortable? The only hindrance is the lack of showers to feel clean, but enough cologne or perfume from Dillard’s can make up for that. This category gets a 9.5 out of 10.

Overall ratings for Metrocenter: