One of the biggest issues facing the United States today is the new health care agenda that has been proposed by the Obama administration. The new H.R.3200 Act has been propagated as the wave of the future in terms of a better more universal plan which will cover many Americans who have been plagued with hospital bills and high cost insurance policies. It's becoming hard to avoid media coverage of town hall meetings, passionate debates between red-faced pundits and the ever present reality of rising American death tolls due to lack of proper health coverage.
To many the bill seems like a dream. The new public option will cover everything from pre-existing conditions to end of life consultations with a primary care physician. However, the bill has left out an important matter that has consistently been ignored by American politics as a whole. The question remains; how would a possible zombie outbreak be covered under the new health care reform bill?
If the elderly are able to make a decision as to whether or not life saving methods should be administered to them in a time of possible death, what types of decisions should be made in the instance of undeath? It is arguable that the new bill should cover an end of life consultation with respect to zombiedom. For those readers who do not know, becoming a zombie is an irreversible state that can only be ended by blunt force to the brain. Some people might say, "I simply couldn't bare to shoot my loved one in the head!" Some say, a zombie is a zombie, although they were once human, they are not any longer. Their brains should be blown to smithereens immediately, terminating the zombie and therefore aiding the cause to end a zombie epidemic all together. So, should this decision be left entirely up to the family, or should the undead corpse be allowed to roam freely, feasting on the flesh of the living?
One opinion is that in the case of a zombie outbreak they would want to remain in their own skin. If still up and walking, they would want the freedom to remain undead, making the best of the situation. "I think I might enjoy the carefree lifestyle of being a zombie. You know, rotting flesh is a delicacy in some countries. There are a lot of jerks in the world, and zombies would help to take care of some of them. I believe in my right to choose." said Daniel Auer of Troy, NY. 
Bob Conway of Ballston Lake, NY thinks otherwise, "I told my darling Billy Jo, if I ever turn into one of those hell-born, rotten, baby eating son-of-a-guns just blow my brains out and don't even think twice about it! I want my wife and son to live the best life they can, and they can't do that if I'm constantly trying to eat them." Sources say tea party protest groups are fighting the possible addition to the bill, claiming zombies are just as bad as liberals and when confronted with a zombie, one should exercise their right to bear arms accordingly, no exceptions.
In essence, both sides would get their wishes if a zombie end of life consulation was covered under a single payer plan. An addition to the end of life clause would lay out the proper protocal for these important decisions. A person, at any age, would be able to sit down with their physician and decide whether or not they want their brain blown out after a potential zombie conversion. Politicans may thumb their noses at the issue of a zombie apocalypse, but may change their mind if the myth becomes a reality. If one believes in their right to be either dead or undead they should write a letter to their state senator and tell them they want a zombie end of life consultation to be covered under the new healthcare reform act.
Comments