A quick fix for grammatical error, complete with things you never knew about your own language

The most entertaining teacher yet (wmjasco.com)

With grammatical and dictional correctness considered stuffy and outdated in colloquial conversation, it’s likely that you’ve had the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ thrown at you every year since your very first day of school by distraught English teachers. Realistically, that doesn’t mean you’ll always remember when to use ‘affect’ and when to use ‘effect’. But did you know that between the two, there are actually five distinct words?

Paul Brians, Emeritus Professor of English at Washington State University, does. He can inform you as to the proper usage of the term ‘scapegoat’, or explain why you refer to ‘the Sierras’ rather than ‘the Sierra Nevada mountains’. This, and hundreds of other grammar- and trivia-related tidbits are available in his book, Common Errors in English Usage. Now, before you run the other way and call me an overbearing, middle-aged English nerd, test yourself on a bit of English language terminology, and see whether or not you could use his help.

• Anyone who’s seen an episode of Cops know full well that an obvious indication of drug usage is found through a test of the urine. But what is this test called?

Your first reaction, based on precedent, would be to say ‘urine analysis’, yes? But in fact, the term is one word: urinalysis.

• Is it possible to use the phrase ‘highly looked upon’ in place of ‘highly regarded’?

Not on your life – they don’t even mean the same thing. To say someone is ‘highly looked upon’, in addition to being extremely awkward, suggests that the person looking is placed in a high position, rather than the looker looking up to someone, or something, admirable.

• We have ‘allude’ and ‘elude’, we have ‘affect’ and ‘effect’…but what’s the deal with ‘alliterate’ and ‘illiterate’?

‘Alliterate’ refers to pairs of words which begin with the same sound, whereas ‘illiterate’ describes a person who cannot read.

• ‘Premier’ and ‘premiere’: simply two spellings of the same word, meaning the same thing.

Actually, not. Though the two forms originated as the masculine and feminine (respectively) forms of the French word for ‘first’, we’ve come to assign them separate meanings in English. ‘Premier’, the masculine form, is used as an adjective. The feminine ‘premiere’ is a verb commonly used in show business – though less accepted in other contexts (instead, use ‘introduced’) – as in ‘the movie premiered on Thursday evening’.

Didn’t go as well as you thought? Even the most fastidious make mistakes or forget the little details. But rather than continue to make your, and my own, English skills feel inferior, why don’t you just check it out for yourself. Paul Brians’ book is available for purchase on his website. Or, if you’re not feeling up to staring at a constant reminder of your mistakes on your bookshelf, visit the compiled list online. Your English teachers will love you for it.