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Pets won't want to be on the receiving end of these gifts
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My mailbox is bursting with catalogs publishing their picks for the holidays. While some items are incredibly creative and helpful, others ... not so much. Here's a smattering of both:
The Fish Agility Training Set. Hammacher Schlemmer is offering this complete set of underwater activities that allows you to train your pet fish to perform a series of agility maneuvers, including swimming through hoops, pushing a soccer ball, navigating a slalom course, and more.
Here's the thing ... fish have got it made in their little aquatic worlds and they know it. Why would a human force them to perform activities requiring limbs? Only cleaner fish exert themselves, and that's only because they have the proper attachments. No fish should break a sweat, visible or not. Escaping a hook is more than enough exercise for any organism.
Fritzi the Fish. Most squeak toys can't satisfy a dog's "hunt and find" instinct without being torn to shreds. But Fritzi the Fish keeps the fun going with three removable "fish eggs," each with its own squeaker. Order from Gardeners.com and get two extra eggs.
So you can lead a dog to caviar but you can't let him eat? How cruel is that? And doesn't this product make the prior one (the fish agility training set) moot? Basically you're teaching your dog that a feast awaits him in the fish tank. You may as well throw an archery set into the kit and teach the fish to prepare themselves for supper.
The Ultrasonic Barking Dog Deterrent. Disguised as a birdhouse, this patented outdoor behavior modification device quickly and humanely restores peace and quiet for those vexed by a dog's nuisance barking. When a dog barks within range of the birdhouse, it emits a harmless ultrasonic tone, inaudible to humans, that startles the animal into silence. The dog quickly associates its bark with the unpleasant sound, which conditions him to curb this undesirable behavior.
Just make sure not to install one of these babies where any hunting dogs live. Their owners, who probably paid a pretty penny for a dog that fetches fowl, will not understand why their bird dog covers his ears with his paws at the mere sight of a bird feeder.
And what about the poor birds who fly in to check out the new digs and get knocked out smashing into the hidden speaker? Way to freak out Tweety.
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