Sex, Lies and Lint Rollers

October 5, 5:08 PMLA Pop Media ExaminerAdrienne Gruben

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COFFEE TABLES AND PORNHOUNDS
I started looking at my coffee table and wondering if you'd want me to review its contents like I plan to review several movies coming up like, Mike Leigh's Happy Go Lucky, Night of the White Pants, Henry Poole is Here with Luke Wilson, Dungeon Masters and What Just Happened?, with Robert De Niro. On the coffee table: pocket kleenex, bilingual voters' guide, lint roller.

On google chat, I run this idea past writer Tim Rogers, who insisted that I refer to him as "a Dallas-based philatelist and credit default swap arbitrageur". He suggests that I review my coffee table's contents as if they were pornos. I go online searching for porno reviews, but the links all require me to "enter the site". Too lazy incensed, I study my coffee table and see what comes to mind. Pocket kleenex? Sure. Bilingual voters' guide? Hmmm. Lint roller? B.I.N.G.O.

My old friend Sharon Lintz, whose writing in college always intimidated me into studying accounting, created Pornhounds-a comic based on her days as a porn movie critic. I get dark and jealous remembering the witty observations I scribbled down during my 90's temp jobs-observations that now share a drawer with manuals, wipe-its and a singing matchbook from Neiman Marcus. She turned her job into a droll, gritty missive that so universalizes the worker bee experience, you forget that she spends her days dreaming up alt ways to say "filthy lust bunnies". Filthy lust bunnies? Sounds like a great clean-up job for a lint roller.

I, DREW, STICK FIGURES
My last post covered Dr. Drew Pinsky's new MTV show, Sex With Mom and Dad. Weekly, Dr. Drew strategizes with sexually troubled teens and their folks to curb the kids' ho-ish ways so that we can ALL get our self-respect back. Dr. Drew directs Nicole (much less ho-ish than last week's Greg), Mom and EXCELLENT step-dad Victor (Sam Jackson in plaid shorts) to draw stick figures of everyone they've slept with.

Victor's is an art piece with labels like, "Meant Something To Me". Mom's deep worries about Nicole's activities are revealed in her stick-figure colony. I hear CSN's, "Love the one you're with" coming from her dry-erase board. Nicole, an eager-to-change doll, drew a charming four. Despite my kidding above, this girl is going to be OK. But I'm curious. Why not take it a step further and create a stick-figure flipbook of each encounter? Might make a great comic book.