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Now that the show in Guantanamo Bay is winding down, there is the tiny little problem of what to do with the cast.
There is no question that there are some seriously bad dudes there. And what we are going to do with them remains the $64,000 question. But amazingly enough, there are a group of guys down there, who have done nothing wrong. Yes, you heard that right. Nothing wrong. They are innocent.
Here's what happened. Imagine, you're camping in say…Afghanistan after 9/11. Maybe not the best vacation destination at that time, but hey, the tickets had been bought, the mail and the newspapers had been stopped, so you gotta go.
But around that time, everyone in a camp in Afghanistan is presumed to be Al-Qaeda. Next, some Afghan tribesman fingers you and your buddies, you get swept up by the US military and badda bing, you're wearing an orange jumpsuit in Cuba. Even worse, you didn't pack any SPF-15 or the latest James Patterson novel.
To make things even more interesting, you're Muslim AND Chinese. In other words, an Uighur. Now the Chinese consider a lot of the Uighurs terrorists because they want to have their own gig in Xinjiang province. But because China has been on a tear these last five or six years and the US economy depends on China, my theory is, as a favor to Beijing, the US government decides that the best thing may be to keep you on ice for a while. I have no proof of this. Just thinking out loud.
So now it's 7 years later. You're still innocent and the US government has run out of reasons to keep you in prison and you are going to get released. But that Guantanamo pedigree is a problem. It's like a bad review that follows you around. Nevertheless, the US government starts pulling in favors. And who do we go to for favors? Our European friends. Yes indeed. Attorney General Eric Holder was here in Germany last week trying fob off as many Uighurs as the Germans would take.
Chancellor Merkel says that the Germans have an obligation to take them in, thus helping President Obama shut down Gitmo. But other German politicians haven't read the fine print…you know where the US government has classified these guys as NOT A THREAT, and are up in arms about taking in terrorists. A classic case of NIMBY…Not In My Back Yard. So that's the big debate over here in Germany these days: Whether or not to admit innocent men into the country. Kafka must be smiling somewhere.
I have a better idea. Release them in Beverly Hills, where they can get an agent and a lawyer. The lawyer will sue everyone for false imprisonment and the agent will negotiate the book and movie deal. And then they retire to the French Riviera.
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