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Phil Jackson's 'naughty or nice' list 2008
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Has Andrew Bynum been naughty or nice?
(AP Photo/Gus Ruelas)
Even though he decided to shed the beard, Los Angeles Lakers head coach Phil Jackson can still play the role of Santa Claus this holiday season.
He's making a list, checking it twice, gonna find out who's naughty or nice. After that, he'll decide what gift each Laker deserves for his performance in the 2008-09 season thus far:
Kobe Bryant: Nice - Scoring is down for the reigning MVP, but that's expected with the added weapons this season. Kobe still looks slightly uncomfortable in the offense, but a strong performance in the fourth quarter against the Knicks proves that he's still the best "closer" in the game.
Gift: A pair of ankle braces to wear with his injury-enticing new low-top Zoom Kobe IV's, which he will wear for the first time on Christmas against the Boston Celtics.
Pau Gasol: Nice - The Spaniard has exceeded all expectations in rebounding and field goal percentage while averaging 18 points per game. He's easily been the most consistent Laker this season (yes that includes Kobe).
Gift: A state-of-the-art paper shredder to easily dispose of the Spain National Team's questionable pre-Olympic photo.
Andrew Bynum: Naughty - His stats are fine (13 points, 9 boards) but his mouth has gotten him in trouble this season. Chalk it up to hormones, but young Andrew has no place questioning Phil Jackson, especially when he's the one handing out gifts.
Gift: A deceptive wad of money in which the bills are actually glued together, rendering it impossible to "make it rain."
Derek Fisher: Naughty - I know I'm probably going to upset a lot of Laker fans with this one, but Fisher has not been up to par this season. Sure, he's put up some big games, but he's had terrible shot selection (41% fg) and he's never been a great passer (3.3 assists). Most importantly though, he's proven himself a step slow on defense, allowing quick guards to penetrate the lane at will (see: Beno Udrih, Nate Robinson, etc.)
Gift: An XXL Lakers t-shirt so Fisher's perfectly sculpted muscles remain hidden to the public.
Vladimir Radmanovic: Nice - The space cadet was just starting to shoot the ball well (47% three-pointers) before he was suddenly relegated to the bench. Radmo dealt with the demotion with relative grace, so he gets props for that.
Gift: A space helmet, of course, to allow easier return to his home planet in the offseason.
Luke Walton: Nice - This one's a no-brainer. Luke rode the pine with pride for the first 20 games before taking back his rightful place in the starting lineup without missing a beat.
Gift: A glasses/fake mustache combination to wear when out in public in an effort to avoid the attraction of further stalkers.
Lamar Odom: Nice - Odom has done pretty well (9 points, 6 rebounds) coming off the bench for the first time in his career. L.O. has dealt with plenty of Phil's criticism and sacrificed personal stats in a contract year. In his first start of the season, he put up 17 and 12 against the New York Knicks, proving he's ready to step back into the starting role should Bynum or Gasol go down.
Gift: A pair of shoulder pads and a helmet to help him emulate the linebacker he desires to be on defense.
Trevor Ariza: Nice - If not for recent shooting struggles, we would have nothing bad to say about Ariza's play this season. His energy and defense seem to be exactly what the Lakers were missing last season. Now if everyone else could just follow his lead...
Gift: An elegant turtleneck to cover up Ariza's neck tattoo for classy events and job interviews.
Jordan Farmar: Naughty - Nobody knows what's going on with Farmar. After emerging as the Lakers' starting point guard of the future last season, Farmar has taken huge steps backwards. Poor shooting, bad decision making, and lax defense have crippled the Lakers second unit.
Gift: A book on meditation to help give Farmar clarity about his role on the team.
Sasha Vujacic: Naughty - After being sidelined in the preseason with an ankle injury, Sasha hasn't fully regained his stroke yet. His turnovers are down, but his trademark defensive intensity seems to have slipped as well.
Gift: A military-style buzz cut to alleviate the stress caused by Sasha's thin headband.
Josh Powell: Nice - The guy is a scoring machine. By dominating garbage time, he has earned himself more valuable minutes. Look for him to play a Turiaf-esque role for the Lakers the rest of the way.
Gift: A name tag that says "Hi My Name Is Josh Powell" so that he will be recognized as something other than "probably a basketball player" when he's out and about.
Chris Mihm: Nice - Limited minutes, sure, but Mihm seems happy to be healthy again, ready to step in when called upon. Who knows when that will be, but he can use this season to generate some interest from other teams.
Gift: A brand new titanium ankle that Mihm can keep in his bedroom closet...just in case.
Sun Yue: Nice - There wasn't a dry eye in the house when Sun scored his first NBA points against the Milwaukee Bucks. Maybe it was from laughing so hard, but the eyes were watering nonetheless. What can you say about Sun? You just want the guy to succeed, and hopefully he will. Just not this season.
Gift: A 23-point massage chair to replace Sun's regular seat on the bench. If he's not going to get into the game, at least he can be relaxed.
DJ Mbenga: Nice? - Haven't seen much of the big man due to "injuries" (one game, three minutes), but everybody loves DJ so we're just going to assume he's been good this season.
Gift: A court order to take down the YouTube video of DJ Mbenga trying to say "tacos." But until that goes through, enjoy:
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