Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior mom, revisited

November 30, 11:37 PMNY Schools ExaminerKathleen Byrne

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I’m still recovering from the barrage of attacking warrior moms. I haven’t been spanked that hard since I stuck my sister’s foot in the mud in 1972.

Seriously, I want to thank you all for your comments, and I deeply regret passing judgment on my fellow autism mothers. I wish I could take back “I believe warrior moms do not love their children unconditionally.” It was outrageous, untrue and disrespectful. I am sorry.

The purpose of my series, Confessions of an autism mother, is to give us a place where we can be wrong, a place where we can express our confusion at all the conflicting advice out there, a place where autism parents freely admit that they are learning on the job. I am confessing to be human, after all.

I think warrior moms have a superhuman, unrealistic persona: They are perfectly adjusted to the sacrifice of putting their lives on hold to cure their children. The problem is, there is no cure. It’s simply not viable that all of our children will get off the spectrum. The majority won’t, regardless of what remedies we use. Please, don’t kill the messenger.

Biomedicine will not recover my daughter Fiona. The evidence just hasn’t presented itself. I decided on a strict course of 30 hours a week of 1:1 ABA not because I was afraid or too depressed to try new things but because I don’t believe in chasing rainbows. I believe autism has a heavily genetic origin, and nothing I do will change her DNA. I can change her brain, however; hence, the emphasis on behavioral therapy.

I’m also extremely proud of my daughter for working so hard trying to overcome her disability. I’ve supervised her therapy since she was 6 months old, gradually increasing the hours and types—physical, OT, speech, ABA. Fiona never fails to try again when pushed. She is a happy, affectionate, adorable daughter who loves picture books and the playground. “I would be fine if she never recovered from autism,” I often think while watching her giggle at Wow Wow Wubzy. Yes, I let her watch TV, another reason I’ll never be a warrior mom.

Incidentally, my husband and I are not on the same page when it comes to the GFCF diet. He asks, “What’s the harm?” I ask, “What’s the use?” Fiona doesn’t have gut issues, so I don’t think a GFCF diet will do any good. To keep the peace in our marriage, I’ll probably phase it in her diet in the coming months. I’ll let you know what happens, if we do it.