Death by homicide or suicide

September 26, 11:55 PMFamily Grief & Bereavement ExaminerCarol A. Ranney

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C Ranney

September 25, 2009 was the Third Annual National Day of Remembrance for Murder Victims.  It is fitting that there should be a special day to remember victims of violence, because for the rest of the year, they and their families are far too often marginalized.  The survivors of deaths by both homicide and suicide are regularly avoided as if the cause of death was a communicable disease.  Eric Schlosser, in an article in The Atlantic, details the stigma, isolation and marginalization felt by surviving parents and other family members of murder victims as law enforcement steps in and takes over, and friends pull back in silence.

The 11th Annual National Survivors of Suicide Day is November 21, 2009.  Jacqueline G. Cvinar, in an article on the social stigma experienced by suicide survivors, concludes that grief from suicide loss is different than grief suffered by other types of death because the death relates to each family member in a very personal and complex way.  Society tends to assume that the suicide was due to problems that the victim could not or did not solve; the family members are also seen as somehow at fault because of the failure to meet the assumed needs of the victim.  This is only complicated, as in a homicide, by the role of law enforcement in investigating the death.  Even our language—“he committed suicide”—speaks to the perception that suicide is akin to a crime.

Families need the opportunity to mourn normally, but may be denied access to the body for a long period of time (or the whereabouts of the body may not be known).  A family member who discovers the body of a child, parent, or other relative who has died by suicide may be terribly traumatized and need extensive counseling or treatment for PTSD.   Specialized support groups such as those offered by Parents of Murdered Children (POMC) or Suicide.org allow survivors to join together and support one another in their unique losses,

The National Day of Remembrance for Murder Victims and the National Survivors of Suicide Day allow the families of those who have died in traumatic ways to grieve openly and together, as well as giving the rest of us an opportunity to think deeply about those we may know who are grieving a violent loss, and to draw them into the greater community of the bereaved, where we should all be learning compassion and inclusion.

Further Support:
Broken Hearts, Living Hope is a free newsletter distributed worldwide to families who have lost a child of any age, pre-birth through adulthood, to any cause. Share your story, link up with others who have had a similar loss, read helpful articles and comforting poems. Download a subscription form from the website.