Healing from Abortion

September 25, 4:51 PMFamily Grief & Bereavement ExaminerCarol A. Ranney

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C Ranney

Not everyone who has had an abortion feels the need to find healing and forgiveness.  Depending on a woman’s beliefs, it may be only a simple medical procedure.  But as Sydna Maase of Ramah International says, “For many of us, the memory of abortion lies like a hidden infection within, weakening and impairing us in ways we may have never realized were related.”  For those who, immediately after or many years after the abortion, feel a deep sense of guilt, sorrow and regret, healing is possible.

In the Bible in 2 Samuel 12:23, King David’s newborn son had just died, and David said, “Can I bring him back again?  I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”  Women who mourn the tiny life that was, can take great comfort in these words.  There will be a day of reunion in Heaven with the babies we didn’t know on earth.

The choice for abortion is rarely if ever made lightly.  Usually the situation is tense and there is pressure from circumstances, other people, or both.  Looking back with regret, it is easy to forget everything that surrounded the choice to terminate a pregnancy.  Like many other choices that people make, it might have been different had the circumstances been different.  It’s important to realize that the choice one would make today is different, because everything surrounding the choice is different.

Although it may not seem so from the stance of many pro-life groups, God does not single out abortion for special condemnation, nor is it even mentioned in the Bible.  The closest reference is in Exodus 21:22:  “If men who are fighting hit a pregnant woman and she gives birth prematurely but there is no serious injury, the offender must be fined whatever the woman's husband demands and the court allows.”  The belief in the sanctity of life from conception to natural death is the principle upon which abortion is condemned, but that respect for life must encompass each human life, not only the unborn.

The Bible is a book of hope.  In I John 1:8-9, the Apostle writes to us all, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, he [God] is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”  This applies equally to the choice for abortion and to all the other choices that all of us have made against what is right; all are forgiven when we confess them to God.

Even though we can count on God's forgiveness, it is sometimes very hard to internalize and accept it and to forgive ourselves.  It may be helpful to do something concrete to make forgiveness tangible—seek counsel from a pastor or priest, go to confession, or perhaps have a private ritual.  Writing out one’s sorrow and regret, confession, and request for forgiveness from God and one’s child, reading it aloud, and then burning the paper can give great relief.  When a feeling of guilt creeps in, the mind will return to the moments of this or another ritual and be reminded that forgiveness is complete.

Some may choose to name the baby as a way to give it a place in one’s heart and life.  Memorial jewelry is another way to acknowledge the value of and love for the tiny life.  Specific to a baby are charms with a generic baby handprint or footprint, among many others.  Some are more subtle, such as a forget-me-not necklace, which will not cause people to ask questions.  Don’t be put off by searching through selections of miscarriage jewelry; every baby is equally precious.

As a woman who has had an abortion, or abortions, you are beloved by God.  You are offered forgiveness and invited to live a healed and whole life, and to cherish the memory of the child with whom you will someday be reunited in peace and joy.

For support and healing:
Ramah International  Post-abortion support and healing

Safe Haven Ministries  Post-abortion support and healing

Vida Humana Internacional  Post-abortion support and healing/Spanish

Memorial jewelry:
La Belle Dame

My Forever Child

Further reading:
Forbidden Grief: The Unspoken Pain of Abortion by Theresa Burke & David C. Reardon. 

Her Choice to Heal by Sydna Masse and Joan Phillips 

My Unknown Child by Noreen Riols (out of print but available through Amazon.com used books)

Forgiven and Set Free: A Post-Abortion Bible Study for Women  by Linda Cochrane

Broken Hearts, Living Hope is a free monthly newsletter for families who have lost a child of any age, pre-birth through adulthood, to any cause.  Share your story, link up with others who have had a similar loss, read helpful articles and comforting poems.  Download a subscription form from the website.