The grief of abortion

September 24, 9:42 PMFamily Grief & Bereavement ExaminerCarol A. Ranney

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C Ranney

There can hardly be a more contentious subject than abortion.  Like most other choices in life, to the onlooker things seem much simpler than they actually are.  Strong opinions and emotions are invested on all sides of the debate, and as an Indonesian proverb says, “When the elephants fight, the mouse is trampled.”

Women trapped in any number of circumstances choose or feel forced into abortion.  Depending on their beliefs and perceptions of what has happened, they may be at peace with their choice, or may look back with tremendous sorrow and regret.  Occasionally a long period of time passes before there is an emotional reaction to the event.

No matter what one’s personal beliefs are on the subject, those who have gone through an abortion deserve our sympathy and support.  It is unfortunate that the community of faith has so often had the opposite response, driving away those who could otherwise find help and healing.  No one should have the temerity to pronounce judgment on another; the tables could so easily be turned.

For the woman who has had an abortion and then regrets the procedure done and the life lost, the shame and despair can be a heavy burden, made harder by the judgmental attitudes of the “pro-life” group, and trivialized by “pro-choice” opinions.  However, neither group has the final word; she should not feel obligated to take up anyone else’s stance.

Those who are burdened by post-abortion grief need not suffer alone and without support.  Ramah International is one of several organizations begun by women who have themselves gone through an abortion and understand the painful and conflicted emotions.  Another is Safe Haven.  Both of these are Christian organizations.  Vida Humana Internacional is a similar site in Spanish, with many resources, all with the goal of providing comfort and healing for those in pain who, like the rest of us, need support and care to make it through the hard times.

Further Reading:
Forbidden Grief: The Unspoken Pain of Abortion by Theresa Burke & David C. Reardon.  

Her Choice to Heal by Sydna Masse and Joan Phillips  

My Unknown Child by Noreen Riols (out of print but available through Amazon.com used books)

Forgiven and Set Free: A Post-Abortion Bible Study for Women by Linda Cochrane

Broken Hearts, Living Hope is a free monthly newsletter for families who have lost a child of any age, pre-birth through adulthood, to any cause.  Share your story, link up with others who have had a similar loss, read helpful articles and comforting poems.  Download a subscription form from the website.