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They grow up too fast
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As I wiped scribbles of red marker off the window trim and glass panes this afternoon, I happened to think that I'll probably be sad to see all the signs of childhood gone from my house one day. No more sticky fingers to wipe, no more little fingerprints smeared across walls, no more juice boxes crushed and left on the floor.
We waited 8 years before having children and I longed to be a Mom for most of those years. I never could have anticipated the unconditional love I would one day feel nor the unimaginable frustration over the sticky fingers and wall smudges.
Yet, I already feel a sadness resonating in my heart for the day when I no longer make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (without the crust) every single day for lunch. And what will I do when I find the soles of my shoes are finally free from green play dough crammed in every groove?
The busyness of having little ones makes it impossible for me to remember these days well. I realized this recently when we were watching old home movies. I had already forgotten the little nuances and cute sayings my kids had 18 months ago. My little girl's chubby baby legs and round cheeks made us all laugh when she popped up on the TV screen. I wish all these sweet memories could be etched in my mind forever.
Today the boys were barefoot in the front yard climbing trees--fully in tune with the adventurous spirits that God has given them. My youngest kicked off her sandals and ran through the damp grass reaching her arms high to scale the Bradford Pears with her brothers. Her chunky little feet and thighs are slimmer these days. The oldest is becoming long and lean and starting to look like a "big boy." I guess that happens when they are 6. And the middle-child doesn't wet the bed anymore. He can also carry on a conversation that lasts well into 3 days--my most talkative child! I wish these days could last forever, but thankfully I've had some clarity of mind to at least record some of our fun times and I can always go back and reminisce with my children about the ways they are changing.
Along those lines, I must share my favorite poem by author Karen Kingsbury.
Let Me Hold You Longer
Long ago you came to me,
a miracle of firsts,
First smiles and teeth and baby steps,
a sunbeam on the burst.
But one day you will move away
and leave to me your past
And I will be left thinking of
a lifetime of your lasts…
The last time that I held a bottle
to your baby lips
The last time that I lifted you
and held you on my hip.
The last night when you woke up crying,
needing to be walked,
When last you crawled up with your blanket,
wanting to be rocked.
The last time when you ran to me,
still small enough to hold.
The last time that you said you’d marry
me when you grew old.
Precious, simple moments and
bright flashes from your past-
Would I have held on longer if
I’d known they were your last?
Our last adventure to the park,
your final midday nap,
The last time when you wore your favorite
faded baseball cap.
Your last few hours of kindergarten,
those last few days of first grade,
Your last at bat in Little League,
last colored picture made.
I never said good-bye to all
your yesterdays long passed.
So what about tomorrow-
will I recognize your lasts?
The last time that you catch a frog
in that old backyard pond.
The last time that you run barefoot
across our fresh-cut lawn.
Silly, scattered images
will represent your past.
I keep on taking pictures,
never quite sure of your lasts…
The last time that I comb your hair
or stop a pillow fight.
The last time that I pray with you
and tuck you in at night.
The last time when we cuddle
with a book, just me and you
The last time you jump in our bed
and sleep between us two.
The last piano lesson,
last vacation to the lake.
Your last few weeks of middle school,
last soccer goal you make.
I look ahead and dream of days
that haven’t come to pass.
But as I do, I sometimes miss
today’s sweet, precious lasts…
The last time that I help you with
a math or spelling test.
The last time when I shout that yes,
your room is still a mess.
The last time that you need me for
a ride from here to there.
The last time that you spend the night
with your old tattered bear.
My life keeps moving faster,
stealing precious days that pass,
I want to hold on longer-
want to recognize your lasts…
The last time that you need my help
with details of a dance.
The last time that you ask me for
advice about romance.
The last time that you talk to me
about your hopes and dreams.
The last time that you wear a jersey
for your high school team.
I’ve watched you grow and barely noticed
seasons as they pass.
If I could freeze the hands of time,
I’d hold on to your lasts.
For come some bright fall morning,
you’ll be going far away.
College life will beckon
in a brilliant sort of way.
One last hug, one last good-bye,
one quick and hurried kiss.
One last time to understand
just how much you’ll be missed.
I’ll watch you leave and think how fast
our time together passed.
Let me hold on longer, God,
to every precious last.
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