Dear Tampa Bay Rays: Just get out!

September 2, 3:28 AMTampa Bay Rays ExaminerRob Quinn

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I'm only going in if you give me Michael Bolton after the game!!

ATTN: Stu Sternberg, Matt Silverman, Andrew Friedman

Dear Tampa Bay Rays,

I don’t want you in my town. It’s as simple as that. There is nothing you can do to win me over. I will never be loyal to you. Stop trying. Just leave.

I simply don’t care about baseball. Put on a concert every night and I’ll show up, but for a baseball game? Not worth my time.

Thanks for giving me the best entertainment value for my dollar in all of sports, but no thanks. I’d rather sneak a few boxes of Junior Mints into the movie theater to watch Ice Age 8 than bring my family to park for free in front of the Trop and bring my own food and water in.

I mean why would I want to watch this team? You only put FIVE All-Stars out on the field EVERY DAY? I can get that in Philadelphia anytime I want, not to mention other splendid cities like . . . well ok, just Philly.

Don’t get me wrong the playoffs and the World Series last year were pretty cool, so if you can go every year I might show up for that. But that "compelling" World Series rematch against the Phillies, not going to happen – I really need my sleep during the regular season, I have big days ahead of me – have to go to Bed, Bath & Beyond, maybe the Home Depot if I have time.

I was going to show up Tuesday night for that game against the Red Sox because I knew the season was riding on it, but have you seen the killer lineup put together by network TV on Tuesday nights? Shaq Vs?! Big Brother?! You expect to compete with that? Those shows just aren’t the same on DVR; you really have to catch them in their time slot.

I ignored you when you sucked for ten years. I know I said, "Put a winner out there and I’ll show up." I never really thought you’d be able to pull it off though, so tough cookies. I’m still not coming.

My point is that there is obviously NOTHING you can do to get me to show up with any regularity, so just quit trying already! Really, Bud Selig should have just contracted your team out of the league when he had the chance. Move the team to Norfolk, Virginia or San Juan, Puerto Rico or Montreal for all I care, I just don’t want you in Tampa Bay so hit the road.

Thank you for your time,

A fair-weather Tampa Bay baseball fan.

P.S. - Check out Rangers Examiner Rand Huguely's response to my assertion the Rays are in better position to catch Boston in the wild card race.