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Five reasons I don't care about the Mark Sanford scandal
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When you hear the words “political scandal,” the average American can usually count on at least one of two things: sex or
violence. And if you're really, really lucky, both! Unfortunately, this time there seems to be none of the latter and very little of the former. In fact, I'm not even ready to coin this particular screw-up a full-blown scandal. So far it appears to be room-temperature vanilla yogurt on the Scandal-Meter.
Anyway, here are the five reasons I've decided to not care about Mark Sanford or his so-called “scandal.”
1. Infidelity is none of my business. I don't care if it's a politician, an actor, a zoologist, or an intramural rugby coach, the secrets between two married adults is out of my range of interest. Unless, of course, they're conspiring to kill me. Yet, even then, it only becomes a problem if they actually carry it out.
2. He's the governor of a state I've never visited and never plan to visit. So South Carolina politics is not a subject about which I have extensive knowledge. Maybe this is how their governors operate. I don't know. Perhaps it's common for a sitting governor to just push back from his desk, slip on a pair of shades and head off to Argentina. Different states have different customs. For instance, in Idaho it is perfectly acceptable for the governor to sucker-punch a bald man.(1)
3. He couldn't even get graphic in the emails. How great could the sex have been? He referred to her boobs in a bashful, pre-teen way, for Pete's sake!
4. He had an affair with a woman. How boring is that? He goes to Argentina for a sexual rendezvous with a woman? Of legal age? Jeez, what a waste of power. Mark Sanford runs a state, for crying out loud. The least he could've done was get into some seriously subversive garbage. What, the governor of South Carolina spent a week in Argentina snorting coke off of a severed foot and playing Russian Roulette with the retarded owner of said foot while being “serviced” by a ninety-year-old male exotic dancer? Now you're talking!
5. We should instead take this time to learn more about the colorful history of the Appalachian Trail. It really is beautiful country, isn't it?
So there you have it. Go on, live your life! Go hiking, go to Argentina! Just don't tell me about it. Thank you.
(1) As far as I know this isn't remotely true. But it's fun to dream.
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