RSS
Home
Healing Domestic Violence
Print
Email
RSS
Subscribe
Photo by Philip Armour
On Saturday, May 30th at 8 a.m. about 30 neighbors and friends gathered outside the front-yard's fence of the Schwarzenbach-DiLeo’s recidence in Boulder, CO. People brought offerings- candles, incense, flowers, prayers, and silence. Elizabeth Schwarzenbach-DiLeo, 63, Christopher DiLeo 23, and Philip DiLeo, 61 had lived in this quite downtown neighborhood until the double homicide-suicide that prematurely ended all their lives. The invitation to the informal service was left on the neighbors' doors- it read, "Dear Neighbor, A sudden, violent force has taken the lives of our neighbors. When violent acts happen, the whole neighborhood is affected..." Police suspect that Philip DiLeo shot his wife Elizabeth in the kitchen and proceeded upstairs where he killed his son, Christopher, and then shot himself. At the healing ceremony on Saturday, people gathered to pay their respects, pray for peace for the deceased, and share stories of Liz and Christopher. Philip Armour, a neighbor (and my husband) at the gathering, and one of few men that attended, asked "Women to support the men in their lives to help them overcome their depression, and to offer them tools to manage their emotions. Domestic violence is still very real, and men need help to integrate their aggressive tendencies and to channel that energy towards service, community, and the sacred masculine". Armour has been a member of the Mankind Project since 2000- a national organization with chapters in CO that offers workshops for men, led by elders, to support them through ceremony and community.
The Schwarzenbach-DiLeo tragedy is the latest in a series of domestic violence acts in Boulder County. On April 1, Robert Oakley, 39, killed his ex-wife Katelin Oakley, 30, and he then turned the gun on himself in the Boulder home they had shared, leaving their two sons ages three and six orphaned and in the care of extended family-- The homicide-suicide occurred one year after the Oakley's divorce. There have been six homicides in five months in Boulder County- and Bryan Quiram, prosecutor with the Boulder County District Attorney's Office observed "They all seem to be passion crimes -- unpredictable events".
These "crimes of passion", these unchecked violent forces, are a blunt indication that passions are being put to destructive use- and that victims- primarily women and children- are not being supported enough to prevent these tragedies. The perpetrators obviously do not have the coping tools or the intervention that they require. These events do not happen in a vacuum. There are symptoms and scars leading up to the final devastating acts. Women and children are the target for such unresolved anger and despair. The Safehouse Alliance for Nonviolence offers round-the-clock assistance to families with domestic violence situations that may prevent more fatalities.
Prevention is the best cure. To support our sons in their healthy maturation is the best way to prevent such tragedies. There are several books that address the gender specific challenges that males face in our Western society which is often devoid of traditional ceremonial initiation and mentoring by elder males. Initiation and mentoring used to honor developmental milestones and assist young men in channeling stage specific challenges and impulses. Raising Cain and The Wonder of Boys are amazing books (Raising Cain is also available as a PBS video) that help parents to better appreciate the specific challenges that male children face and to avert the massive societal tragedy many boys perpetuate as men. May we model the inner resources for handling emotions and facing social pressures gracefully without violence against self or others.
Related Articles:
Comments
