What does breast milk taste like? Well, I'll tell you.

May 8, 3:03 PMNY Wellness ExaminerRoger Ziegler

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Human breast milk is a healthy, essential part of nature's bounty.  And
the taste is unique.This photo confirms that.

It was an emergency. I swear.

It's not like I wanted to or anything, but I had no choice. The baby wasn't taking the breast and my wife's lacating flowers were filling up? What was I supposed to do? Watch her suffer?

What does breast milk taste like? Well, I'll tell you.

But first, what is this magical elixir that has everything a baby needs to survive?

Certainly it's packed with vitamins, minerals, fats and other goodies, the quality and taste of which depend hugely on what mom is eating. Spicy food? spicy breast milk. Lots of Snickers and sleeping pills? Lots of unhealthy sugar and crap. etc.

And now here on a Saturday morning while visiting my parents on Long Island, I have the opportunity to find out; totally reluctantly.

My wife's lactating lifelines are turgid and swollen, they need to be milked.

The breast pump is in our house, what’s a mother to do? She’s in pain. I can’t stand to see my wife in pain. I must do something to save her.

But what? What can I do?

“I’ll do it,” I say as gravely as the men who saved Private Ryan.  

“You’ll do what?” Gabby replies.

“I’ll drink your breast milk,” I can’t betray any hint of actually wanting to do it or she’ll never agree.

Gabby laughs nervously. I remain committed to this sacrifice for her sake, for her sake. “Seriously, You’re in pain, what else are you going to do?”

She tilts her head upward, eyes skyward in that thinking way and after a moment’s pause she says matter-of-factly, “ok.”

You'd think I'd be ecstatic. Actually, I was like: Ok, now what? It’s not as easy as it looks.You can't just suck, there is an art to it.

 At first, I get nothing. I try a different way, nope.

“You have to put your mouth around the whole thing, not just the nipple. Suck and pull,” my wife commands like a drill sergeant. “But not too hard. Stop, that’s too hard.” I flashback to my college years.

I ease up, go with the flow and soon I feel a warm sensation in my mouth. Slightly sweet and a little nutty, like warm cinnamon toast. This is good.

No wonder my daughter looks so content. They better not let this secret out or babies all over the world are going to be starving.

I continue to relieve my wife and for me it’s gentle and warm. I’m thoroughly comforted in my wife’s lactating bosom. I’m also slightly aroused too. It’s the first time in five months I’ve touched my wife’s buddies.

Gabby too seems happy to have the pressure off, but when I ask her later, she does not confirm or deny the arousing part.

There is a certain rich quality, mom’s milk fat, to the milk too, it’s quite filling and the combination of all these things, the warm milk, the warm body, the effort sucking, makes me ready for a nappy.

Jaslyn too is sleepy from her bottle. We soon fall asleep in my wife's arms.