Six Flags plans "Pirates of the Somali Coast" ride (parody)

Pirates of the Somali Coast Sack the African Horn

Take heed: there may be rough waters ahead. Or at least a quick plunge over a highly polluted 14-foot waterfall! Land in the middle of a pirate battle. The pirates blast AK-47s under the direction of the pirate captain, who demands the capture of your spouse or relief supplies. Can you come up with the ransom money before your gutted like a fish fished out of their over-fished waters?

"We are bringing a whole new dimension to theme park rides," says Six Flags president Mark Shapiro. "People will be able to experience the visceral thrill of having a real machete pressed tightly to their jugular while they beg for their lives to be spared. It's the ultimate reality experience!"

"We don't intend to kill anyone," says a pirate spokesman, "we just want your money. And we'll get it."

CEO Shapiro says, 'the pirates will capture anyone, it's a great way to meet people of all cultures and learn from them. They [the pirates] really have no ideology and don't discriminate, so really when you think about it, they are quite progressive."

As part of the ride a mischievous mutt holds the key to release the imprisoned riders—but he's not giving it up for all the bones in the dungeon. Riders who are not ransomed by friends or family after 21 days will be c considered guests of the theme resort and charged for hotel accommodations.

No one from the company would comment if Six Flags was getting a percentage of the pirate booty.

Said CEO Shapiro, "ah, matey, "dead men tell no tales."