Michael Jackson's children have designated guardians. Do yours?

July 9, 3:16 PMWest LA Early Childhood ExaminerShazneen Gandhi

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Michael Jackson's children from left, Paris, Prince Michael II, also known as Blanket, and Prince Michael appear with their aunt LaToya Jackson, background left, at the memorial service for music legend Michael Jackson, at the Staples Center in Los Angeles, on Tuesday, July 7, 2009. (AP Photo/Gabriel Bouys, pool)

The heartfelt words of Paris Jackson in tribute to her father - “I just wanted to say, ever since I was born Daddy has been the best father you can ever imagine”  - undoubtedly brought into sharp focus the one aspect of Michael Jackson's life that we know the least about: his relationship with his children, Michael Joseph Jr., 12, known as Prince Michael; Paris Michael Katherine, 11; and Prince Michael II, 7.

It is believed that Jackson's motivation for the planned comeback concert series was to give his children the chance to see him perform live in concert.  “The primary reason for the concerts wasn’t so much that he was wanting to generate money as much as it was that he wanted to perform for his kids,” said J. Randy Taraborrelli, whose biography, “Michael Jackson: The Magic and the Madness,” was first published by Citadel in 1991. “They had never seen him perform before.”

Michael Jackson's children undoubtedly have many wonderful memories of life with him.  And he has named his mother, Katherine Jackson, and a back-up, Diana Ross, to be their guardian.

Parents feel sympathy for Jackson's children as they would for any children who may lose their parents at a young age.  But, while you think of Jackson's children, have you considered, what might happen to your young children in the sad event of your untimely death? 

It is a morbid thought, to be sure.  But a necessary one.   Life is precarious.  And yet, few parents want to face up to the reality that they need to put into place wills and make guardians.  There is also much more to it than just wills, and some of it can actually be fun and creative.  But you have to deal first with the possibility that you could die at any time, and this is hard for most parents to face up to.  

To the extent that it can help, here are some ideas for what you can leave behind for your children to help them cope in the event the unthinkable should happen.

Arrange good care for your children.  Consider who you would like to have raise your children should you be unable to do so.  Have a back-up as well.  Discuss the proposition with the person you select and get their agreement.  Arrange financial assistance for them by leaving your assets to your children.  Memorialize your arrangement in a will.  To learn the components a will should have to be valid in California, click here.  A statutory will form is available here. The website, www.nolo.com also has several resources dealing with guardianship and wills.  For information about a free estate planning seminar this weekend, click here.

Journal for your children.  Older children may have concrete memories to rely on in their remembrances of you.  This will help them cope with their grief.  But memory  may not be as strong or reliable for children who are very young when their parents die.  Having a journal may be a wonderful way to pass on, or rekindle, old memories. 

While you can chronicle your adventures with your children vividly, your journal can be as simple as jotting down a few words in a daily calendar.  If you are experiencing writer's block, or if you are unsure where to start, use one of the guided journals, such as The Mommy Journal: Letters to Your Child, A Mother's Legacy or A Father's Legacy to assist you.  These and similar books are often available at your local Hallmark store and on www.amazon.com.

Leave behind a memento.  Most wills deal with the disposition of larger assets, like homes and investments. But you can identify smaller personal assets and arrange for them to be given to a specific child for who you think the asset will have special significance.  In your journal or in a separate letter you can explain to your child why you wanted that her to have the item.  

Write letters to your children.  If there is some wisdom, borne of personal experience or otherwise, which you think you will impart to your child when the time is right, write it down in a letter for your child, seal it and put it away in a safe place.  When the child is older, and the time seems right, the guardian you have selected can give the letter to your child.  Similarly, you can write letters for children to open at special times in the future like college graduations, or their weddings, or on the birth of their child.

All this takes a lot of time and effort.  But should the unthinkable happen, imagine what it would mean to your children to have some of these things as they go through their lives.