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Michael Jackson and masculine development
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Jackson at the beginning of the childhood he never had...
Michael Jackson died yesterday at the (relatively) young age of 50. His life was the type that could not be invented if given the opportunity, it was just too unique to be fiction. Facebook, Twitter, other social networking sites, and the entire internet noticeably slowed down yesterday when news of his death leaked. Word of mouth spread faster than the news networks were able to cover it.
Jacko shaped our culture in ways we may never know or appreciate, due to both his success and his failures. But one of the aspects that have not been discussed in any detail yet is his childhood. The news is flooded with stories about his music, his legal battles involving accusations of improper relationships with children, and his declining health. What made Michael Jackson tick? What made him love children the way he did, but completely cripple his ability to relate to most adults?
We’ve all heard about how Neverland was an attempt to regain a childhood that he never had, but Michael’s story goes so far beyond the usual child celebrity. As the most popular member of the Jackson 5, his father pushed him ruthlessly. His father was hard on the whole family, but particularly tough on Michael. He, apparently correctly, believed his son had something special to contribute to the world of music. But at what cost?
More books than can be counted have been written about the disastrous effects of missing vital periods of childhood. A few of the best are listed at the end of this article. Boys and girls experience and react to this loss in different ways. Michael Jackson’s story, while incredibly unique in the spotlight, is tragically common for boys in every generation.
Most authors divide masculine development into four or 5 stages. Judging by Jackson’s infatuation with all things pre-adolescent, he most likely missed out on one of the earliest stages, what many authors call the “beloved son” or “affirmation” stage. At this point, unconditional love is needed to empower and equip boys with the confidence to take risks, engage with the world, and function properly in society. Boys who grow up without this become adults driven by the need to be affirmed. They often spend money irresponsibly, cannot commit to a loving romantic relationship, and are incredibly fickle in their decision-making.
Most, if not all of these symptoms were regularly covered by the media and exaggerated by his unparalleled ability to attract attention as a talented star and fantastically wealthy man. Interviews with his criminal defense attorney, agents, managers, and business partners are all verifying his inability to function as an adult. It is unbelievably tragic that a man so obviously talented had so many demons haunting his life, and especially his childhood, that he was never allowed to settle them. The same gifts that kept them from completely destroying his life acted as a prison, keeping him from ever finding healing from past wounds.
Jackson’s death, so soon after Father’s Day, should remind us how vital dads are to the development of boys. Dads: love your sons well, unconditionally. Allow them to solidify their foundation in your love, that they might dare greatly as a young adult. Provide them support, structure, and challenge, helping them navigate this crazy thing called “growing up.” I hope and pray that Michael Jackson’s legacy is remembered for it’s shine, rather than it’s tarnish, as one who no doubt did the best he could with the cards he’d been dealt. Yesterday was a tragic end to a tragic life.
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