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Wacky breakdowns of the week
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As part of my private stim package, until further notice Wednesday is now Wacky Breakdowns Day. I just hope it will stimulate some sorely needed cheer in the acting community. Thank you, thank you. I do what I can.
So legend has it that Lana Turner, when just a kid from Idaho, was discovered sipping a soda in a sweater (the soda wasn't wearing a sweater, Lana was) at Schwab's in Hollywood. Yeah, that's how easy it was! If you were Lana Turner, that is, and--oh, yeah--had already snagged a studio press agent. Whatever works, right?
Back to the future. Which is now. In case you missed it the last time I wrote about them (see "New Faces of 2009"), these days there are online casting notices accessible to anyone with a computer and posted by a pretty wide variety of producers, filmmakers, etc. So they're sometimes rather ... bizarre. I offer three more recently posted online casting notices as specimens:
BABY EMPEROR: Featured. Male, age 3 months. Asian or Eurasian. Cute, must be quiet and well behaved. Baby needs to be accompanied by parents. No pay, but will receive toy.
OK, I've got just a couple of quibbles with this one. First of all, does it MATTER if the baby is male? I mean, when was the last time you were able to tell if a 3-month old baby was male or female? Without changing his or her diaper?
And ahem, when was the last time you met a 3-month old baby who was QUIET and WELL BEHAVED?
And finally, a toy? I would put my baby on a set for a TOY? A scholarship, maybe, but a toy?
and next:
MAN AT HOME: Male, middle aged. Caucasian. Bald, couch potato. $50 for half to full day.
Not a bad gig, huh? I know a couple of guys who would jump at this. If they could get off the couch.
and lastly:
CLOWN: Male or female. Will be falling off stilts, hit with baseball bat. If you are also experienced in fire stunts please make note: part of your body lit on fire for a couple of seconds. When submitting please list clown items you already own such as stilts, giant shoes, wardrobe, trick items, etc.
How about a lift to the emergency room? Anyone?
More wacky breakdowns next Wednesday. Until then, cheer the heck up, OK?
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